It seems to me we humans are practically geniuses when it comes to avoiding pain, sorrow or suffering. Some of us seek out drugs, alcohol, food or sex to avoid our pain and then run the risk of becoming addicted to our “drug of choice”.
But there are so many other, more subtle ways of avoiding pain that may go more easily unnoticed, until something in our lives breaks down and brings it all to our attention or to the attention of our friends and family. One of these things might be working to the point of neglecting everything else, a condition known as “workaholism”. One way might be buying things, a condition we could call “shopping therapy”. Another might be sports and games which we move toward whenever we have free time. And one very common way we try to avoid pain is by denying it altogether! This may be the most subtle of all our tactics. It’s a bit of a mental game we play which can pose as a very spiritual practice.
We Christians are especially good at this one. When we are hurting, we’ve learned to say “Oh, it’s nothing. I’m fine.” Quickly turning from the suffering or pain, we jump ahead to the declarations, “God is good! I have faith! I’m not really sick or hurt or grieving or lonely or angry, etc.”
It seems to me that while we certainly do want to claim God’s power to heal, His goodness and our faith in Him, we would do well to first acknowledge the truth of the matter and submit to what our bodies and souls are trying to tell us! My wife used to say, “Our bodies never lie.” I think she was so right about that. What is that tightness around our shoulders really about? What is that gnawing sensation in our stomachs really trying to tell us? Why am I sweating when it’s not hot out? Why do I look the other way when I see a troubling scene? The answer is not always obvious and sometimes we might not get an answer until after the fact, but at the very least we can tell God about it!
This is where some of God’s people can help us. The people who wrote the Psalms understood very well the importance of being honest with God. They understood that God was OK with our honesty. Didn’t Jesus say, “The truth will set us free?” I think one of my favorite examples of honesty in the Bible is from the writer of Lamentations 3:19-24:
I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them and my soul is downcast within me.
Only then does the writer say:
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.”
This is such a good example to me of the importance of being open and honest with God, while still remembering His goodness, love, faithfulness and power to work in our lives. And the result of this is a kind of deep joy and peace. This is why we can call our troubles “joyous lamenting”.
One practice I’ve been taught for helping me not avoid my negative feelings is called the Welcoming Prayer. It’s simply that when we recognize fear, hurt, grief, anger or any hard or negative feeling, we don’t push it out of our consciousness and seek some kind of salve to dull it. Instead, we acknowledge it and then say “Welcome, grief! Welcome, anger! Welcome, hurt!” We welcome it into our deepest soul, where then God can deal with it and show us how best to deal with it.
I know this Welcoming Prayer sounds a bit crazy:), but try it! You may just find yourself experiencing the healthy joy of the Lord sooner than you would have thought. The power of the negative feeling is overwhelmed and diminished, but not denied, knowing that God is actively involved… and He knows best how to work in any situation. This opens wide the door for “joyous lament”!
About the Author
John lives in Pleasant Hill with his dog, Gunnar, and a multitude of guests who enjoy the peace and beauty of the Cascade foothills. With three children and three grandchildren all living in Oregon, he is continually blessed with their company and the good food that always accompanies their get-togethers!