Years ago, I attended a poetry reading at my local Christian Bookstore. During a lull between readers, a kind-looking, elderly woman walked up to the microphone. She was slender and small in stature with white hair. As she stood silently before our small group, she shared a smile that warmly beamed and radiated such peace and assurance to all in attendance.
She introduced her poem as a story that described two dear friends meeting in a restaurant for a coffee date. Her poem began with the words “A table for two in a quiet corner…,” and continued with descriptions of deeply encouraging, and life-affirming conversation. She read the words, “I’m alone but never lonely,” then revealed her dear friend was Christ.
I deduced she was possibly widowed as I discerned she exuded a peace mixed with the bittersweet pang of loss. Her poem was accented with a firm resolve in her convictions and faith in Christ. She concluded her poem with a confirmation that she completely trusted God’s plan for her life. And also stated that Jesus’ presence filled her life to overflowing with an abiding joy, regardless of circumstances.
I recall being sincerely touched by her deep love relationship with Jesus. I admired the hard choices and periods of suffering she must have known to have such a strong faith and close connection with Christ. And I strongly hoped I could have that too, one day.
This recollection reminds me of the wonderful quote from the author Elisabeth Kübler-Ross:
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
After my parents died, along with several members of my extended family, I felt so changed and disoriented by the concentrated amount of loss in my life. In a space of 9 years, I lost at least one family member or close friend almost every year. I certainly did not look or feel beautiful, but I felt the fire of sorrow burn away parts of me, leaving the hollow space for God to reconstruct and refill.
This sculpting process was never comfortable, but I stubbornly chose to trust Christ to help me survive, somehow. I urgently needed new spiritual and practical life skills, habits, and routines to help me to live in this new environment. With so many of the people I depended on for emotional support gone, I didn’t know how to get started. I didn’t know what action to take, but to surrender.
This is the beauty of transformation! Christ led me on a path of His own design that involves maturing from one new version of myself to the next. With time, I felt more at peace and safer when I realized that Jesus had given me a protected amount of unrushed time with Him, and a private place in my spirit to process all the changed circumstances.
I made plenty of mistakes, but Christ in His divine mercy would never fire me from His plan, or discard me from His kingdom. That realization helped me to breathe deeply again, and start to shed the anxieties that plagued me. I know my life is not a job with anxiety inducing performance reviews. My life, even with the chaos, is a privilege. It’s a privilege to try, fail, fail again and again without Christ giving up on me. As long as I stay partnered with Jesus, I succeed according to His standards. Especially when he wants me to partner with Him in my own spiritual growth! This is wonderful news for me, but does not alter the fact that life still includes the hard work of allowing yourself to be changed!
James 5:13 NLT
“Are any of you suffering hardships? You should pray.
Are any of you happy? You should sing praises.”
This is why my private times spent in God’s presence are so important. Jesus’s presence transforms me and re-sets my compass to my True North which is Christ’s death and resurrection, and His word!
Since the poetry reading to the present day, my daily experiences continue to deepen my desire for more of Christ in my life. I feel I am slowly becoming someone with a heart filled with more empathy, and with a stronger motivation to reach out to others. I remember the kind lady’s quiet, knowing smile and I feel such a kinship with what I perceived she was feeling. I know better than to compare myself with that wise woman, but I realize what I am experiencing is the priceless gift of transformation.
I have the great privilege to learn, improve, and mature as I focus on Jesus’s unconditional love and tune out earthly condemnation. And I firmly believe Christ has this planned for all of us. Redeeming transformation! This is one of my favorite aspects of being human. Christ has glorious plans for our spiritual growth, and dearly wants His children to experience more of the life he originally created for us all!
Hebrews 13:20-21 NLT
“Now may the God of peace –
who brought up from the dead our dear Lord Jesus,
the great Shepherd of the sheep,
and ratified an eternal covenant with his blood –
may he equip you with all you need for doing His will.
May He produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ,
every good thing that is pleasing to Him.
All glory to Him forever and ever! Amen.
About the Author
Sara has attended CitySalt Church since 2004, the year it was founded. She studied Journalism, wrote for her college newspaper, and is a member of Oregon Christian Writers. Sara also enjoys singing hymns with friends: “there is a sermon in every hymn waiting to be discovered and enjoyed.”
