Joyous Lament | The Beauty of Loss

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…

When the topic of lament came up as a possible theme for these blogs, my mind immediately went to this Ecclesiastes verse. There is a time for everything… even sadness. Then in 1 Corinthians 6:12, it says "All things are permissible for me" but not all things are helpful. "All things are permissible for me," but I will not be enslaved by anything.

Mark Twain said, "As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain while awake. I never smoke more than one cigar at a time"

Obviously moderation can be subjective, although Twain might be proof we're not always the best judge of what moderation means for ourselves. If there is a time for everything, some questions arise: When is it the right time for what? How long shall we go on in any of these activities? When is it time to change from one thing to another? How many cigars SHOULD we smoke at once?

I first consider guilt. Guilt is evidence of our conscience or the Spirit speaking to us but it can also be used by the enemy to prevent us from personal growth and positive influence. Hopefully guilt brings us to make good decisions for ourselves and be rid of what brought us guilt before we are in real trouble. But if guilt persists long after we are redeemed it becomes shame and shame can become debilitating to us. The fear of God is the BEGINNING of wisdom but God's Love cast out all fear. We should not remain in guilt indefinitely.

Likewise, we mourn the passing of loved ones but to remain in mourning forever is something even our passed loved ones would not wish on us. There was a time for mourning. That time passes. The time to move on arrives.

We can lament different kinds of things. We can lament our actions. We can lament certain happenings in the world. We can lament the loss of something dear to us. We can lament the loss of a relationship. This lament I know all too well.

I had spent twenty years lamenting the loss of a relationship. In my grief and anger I sought to change myself into something more befitting to what that relationship required despite the impossibility of mending it. I began to read more. I began to think about things differently. The changes I made were beneficial to me. But my motivation for making these changes was unhealthy and it was eating away at me.

More accurately I learned it was not the lament of loss that was continuing to affect me but rather a hatred of myself, or who I used to be. How could I have been so foolish to have lost something so dear to me? But hate benefits no one.

A counselor advised I need to have compassion for that twenty year old version of myself whom I came to despise so much. I knew this was a way of saying I need to forgive myself. But I should have known better back then, right? I held myself to such a high standard! And the disgust I had for that twenty year old me was what turned me into something I rather liked now… or had it? Perhaps in all ways but one. I needed to let go of that grief and hatred of myself to truly be free. I knew in the present I was still tormenting myself. The time to move on was long overdue.

It took much retrospection to realize that what I endured, the changes I had put myself through, and who I am now had been directed by God from the start. The relationship I had lost was not good for me then, and it would have only become worse if allowed to continue. The lifestyle changes, despite being improperly motivated at the time, prepared me not for fixing the past but for facing the future. And now I find myself aptly placed and prepared to love the people around me in the ways they need. I find myself blessed beyond anything that past life would have been able to yield had I stayed that course. This all starts with moving on and being able to love myself.

Yes, the twenty year old me was ignorant and foolish. But we all were at some point. The process of every activity under heaven, for which there is a time, are the processes of learning and growth. We cannot remain stagnant or "be enslaved" at any point in the process or we begin to die or neglect those in our charge, be they family or acquaintance. Growth moves forward and blossoms and multiplies.

As the Master sculpts you, do not lament for long the loss of the bits and pieces that are gradually chipped away. What remains becomes more and more beautiful with every bit removed.

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About the Author

Christopher has worked as a children’s pastor and youth leader for several years and has published countless humor articles under the pseudonym Professor Popinjay. He studied biblical history and child psychology through Burean University and various other educational institutions. He enjoys writing, art, and the history of invention. He lives with his amazing wife Jessie and their six bizarre children, one of whom is a cat..

Truth in Love | Hearing the Truth in Love

I don’t know if anyone saw me (since y’all supposed to be praying, too), but I seriously ugly cried a few Sundays ago in church. I don’t know what we were supposed to be praying about (maybe reconciliation?), but as you know, God does what he will. As I closed my eyes and asked God what He would like me to pray, I began to think about my early days at South Hills Church, when Shannon spoke in tongues and even occasionally cursed. I was still young and figuring out who I was, but I was suddenly in a church of people who were really honest and really courageous about seeking the Lord. Memories washed over me of so many people who were a part of that time, and everything seemed bittersweet in my heart as I thought about all that had been familiar and would never be again.

Then I thought about the years when my babies were born. We had just returned from Tanzania, and my spirit was broken. I returned pregnant, depressed, and feeling as if God had failed me. I now recognize I likely experienced postpartum depression, which had only made things worse. But we came home to South Hills, and two wonderful spiritual mothers in the church heard me, treated me gently and tenderly, and helped me start to heal. One of those wonderful women is at home with Jesus now.

So here I am back home, at a place where some are known, and some are new. And I myself am new again. It’s a very strange thing.

But it’s also wonderful, because, as I cry and mourn what I’ve lost, I also cry in awe of what I’ve gained. (Just FYI, I almost always cry when God’s talking to me, so don’t mind me.) I’m still getting to know most of you, but I can already tell that I’m still home. We are brothers and sisters. We won’t agree on everything, but my spirit resonates every time I am The Church with you. The truth is, I was struggling with this, though I hadn’t realized it. I was struggling to let go of how things were before, and release my expectations of what my church family was going to look like. Holy Spirit was speaking to me, but gently because he knows me so well. I think he knew I wasn’t ready to face all my emotions yet. But as I allowed his love to hold me, I was able to grieve what was lost from before. In releasing that, I’ve become more aware than ever of the truth that all of you, here and now, are exactly the people I’m supposed to be with.

This experience of God’s gentleness reminded me more than ever of the importance of listening. God knew I needed to be pushed into thinking about these things, but only when I was ready, when I was feeling safe in his love and safe in this new (old) place. He knew the time was right because he knows me, and cares about me, and sees my heart. He’s the perfect listener, who knows our needs before we say a word. I was able to receive his Truth joyfully because I felt safe in his Love.

I pray that we can embody this gentle and humble spirit. My God waits to speak truth until I’m ready. And when another person feels safe and loved by me, I can speak truth in love and hope to be heard as well.

Ephesians 4:1-2
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Ephesians 4:11-16
So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Psalm 145:4-9
One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts.
They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
They tell of the power of your awesome works—and I will proclaim your great deeds.
They celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness.
The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.
The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.

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About the Author

Kayla is is 37. She has been married to her husband, Joel, for 17 years and she homeschools their two energetic boys. She loves stories, being out in nature, meeting interesting people, and seeing others grow in their freedom in Christ.

Ephesians 4 | Grieving the Holy Spirit

Ephesians 4:30 NKJV
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

The idea that God is Three-in-One and One-in-Three will most likely always be a mystery to me …and I’m guessing to many other people as well. It’s a little helpful when I consider how much bigger God is than we humans are and, because of that, He doesn’t easily fit into the logical boxes we construct to try and understand things. To be honest, I’m glad I can’t completely understand God! If I could, I’m not sure He would be such a big God. And even though I know He is much more than a Father, Son and Holy Spirit, these familiar names are helpful to me to get some kind of idea of what He’s like.

Toward the end of Ephesians 4, which speaks mostly about keeping unity in the Body of Christ, Paul makes an interesting command. He says, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God.”

What? The Holy Spirit of God can grieve? How is that possible? And we have the power to grieve the Holy Spirit? Oh no! That sounds like something we should really look into. Surely no one really sets out to grieve the Holy Spirit. But if we can, then apparently sometimes we do, and if that is true, then what does it mean, how do we do it and how can we not do it?

Before looking into this, there are a couple of other commands in the Bible that seem related to how we can affect the Spirit of God: do not quench the Holy Spirit (1Thessalonians 5:19) and do not blaspheme the Holy Spirit (Mark 3:29). So we can grieve, quench and blaspheme the Holy Spirit. I think these are topics we would do well to look into.

To grieve someone means to cause them sorrow. An online definition of the word I found on helpguide.org states, “Grieving is the natural response to loss.” If the Holy Spirit is responding to a loss of some kind, what kind of loss is it? I’m thinking it’s most likely a loss of closeness to us or a rift between us in some way. Could it be that the Holy Spirit loves nothing more than to be close and connected to us? God expresses His love for his creation when He says in Genesis 2, He created light and it was good; He created the earth and all its natural movements and He called it good; He created light and oceans and animals and humans; and He called them all very good. God is love and He loves all His creation.

Throughout the Old and New Testaments we see God’s love at work in various ways: He provides for us, He liberates us, He teaches us, He guides us and He warns us of dangers to us and to those around us. It’s no wonder He is often represented as the good father (though He could also be, and sometimes is, represented as the good mother.) So if God loves us so much, it would make sense that He would grieve over anything that would disrupt our relationship with Him.

In Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, he mentions some of the things that can grieve God’s Spirit: being ignorant of God and having a hard heart, being greedy, impure in thought and deed, lying, allowing our anger to go unchecked, stealing, speaking ungraciously, holding bitterness, squabbling or fighting, slandering, and acting maliciously in any way.

And why does God hate these things? Because in practicing these things we disrupt our relationships with other people…the very people He loves! And in doing so, we injure our own souls as well. This is the opposite of what the Spirit wants for us. So He grieves. But He doesn’t just say to not do these things. He also shows us the ways that please Him: speak the truth in love, build up one another, grow in Jesus, be renewed in your mind, be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another. Be imitators of God, live in love. This is our new self, mirroring God’s love back to Him, as well as to others and to ourselves.

I mentioned that the Bible also notes that we can quench the Holy Spirit. In 1Thessalonians 5:14-22, Paul admonishes us to encourage the faint-hearted, help the weak and be patient. He says not to repay evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to all. He exhorts us to rejoice always, to pray without ceasing and to give thanks in all circumstances. Hold fast to what is good. Do not quench the Holy Spirit.

The ideas of quenching and grieving are really very similar, but they offer different images: grieving is to cause sorrow to someone; quenching is a word used when talking about putting out a fire. The Bible often refers to the Holy Spirit as fire. Remember the “tongues of fire” appearing over the disciples at Pentecost in Acts 2? Or the burning bush that spoke to Moses in the desert in Exodus 3? The Spirit is like a fire in our souls, giving us warmth and energy that never burns out. Apparently Paul is wanting to say that, although we can never diminish the Holy Spirit Himself, we can certainly diminish the fire within our souls by making ourselves insensitive to the grace and power of the Spirit that is within us.

It seems to me, the most serious of all admonitions in the Bible is Jesus warning that “anyone who speaks a word against (blasphemes) the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who blasphemes the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, in this age or in the age to come.” (Matthew 12:32) What can this mean? How very sobering! Commentators have said that the difference between “blaspheming” as mentioned by Jesus in Matthew and “grieving or quenching” as mentioned by Paul, is that Jesus is referring to someone who forever and ever despises the Spirit of God, despises all things good, and set their hearts to do evil constantly. Grieving and quenching are simply the results of our ignorance or weak humanity, but with someone whose true desire is to follow God and be like God, in other words, a person directed by love.

God is love. His love never fails. We are the ones who can distance ourselves from Him and His love by our thoughts, attitudes and behaviors. Thankfully, knowledge of this reality is mentioned in the Bible all the way through by the Prophets, in the Psalms and Proverbs, by the Apostles and by Jesus Himself. Love gives wisdom and knowledge. Love warns. Love forgives when we mess up “seventy times seven times.” And Love gives us the power and strength to live a life that builds up, instead of diminishes, our relationship with our good God. Thank you, Jesus!

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About the Author

John lives in Pleasant Hill with his dog, Gunnar, and a multitude of guests who enjoy the peace and beauty of the Cascade foothills. With three children and three grandchildren all living in Oregon, he is continually blessed with their company and the good food that always accompanies their get-togethers!

Cycles | Fire Season

The Earth orbits the Sun and the seasons change. The cycles of the world come and go, as do cycles of loss, grief and recovery.

The summer season is again upon us and with its hot, dry weather and the possibility of wildfires. Last year’s fire season was one of the worst in a long time in the McKenzie Valley, destroying many homes and businesses. I remember those days very clearly, even though our home wasn’t in danger, some of my coworkers did have homes in areas of evacuation that crept closer and closer as the days went on. Finally, two of my coworkers had to stop work and get ready to move as their area was elevated to “Be Ready” status, meaning they could be told to leave their homes and belongings at any moment. We wished them well and prayed that they would be okay.

I later learned that one of the casualties of the fire was a resort in Blue River where I had spent many writing retreats over the years. In fact, most of the town of Blue River had burned, leaving burnt out cars and charred chimneys standing alone.

In the midst of this year of destruction, I received a phone call. My son had died. Alex was not my biological son, but I dated his mother for several years and he had started calling me dad and so I called him son and, so in my heart he was my son. And now he is gone. We had not spoken to each other for a long time as we had drifted apart, but now there was no hope of reconciliation on this side of Heaven. I pray that I will meet him there someday and we will have our chance to make broken things right.

As the fires burned through our forests, they also burned through my life, my heart and my mind. I, too, am left with charred remains inside my soul, some with lonely, solitary chimneys left standing to remind me of the structures that once stood there.

When the Holiday Farm Fire was finally contained and the area deemed safe, my wife and I went up the McKenzie both to escape our confines during lockdown and to see the remains of the resort. Some of the buildings were gone, but others still stood in the capricious way that good things can also happen in this world. People were working to tear down the wreckage and build anew. Many trees still stood and were still green, and the river still flowed nearby. These were signs that all was not lost and of hope for the future.

Now that the fires of that season have ended, I, too, feel hope and love building in my heart. I feel the support of my wife and family and friends and the love of the Lord to repair that which was lost to me and I hope resides in a better world to come. Wildfires can be healing as well as destructive as they clear out the dead undergrowth and give the trees room to grow and be healthier.

I pray that the fires that have burned through my soul will also be able to help me heal and grow in spite of the pain and destruction that it feels like this past year has wrought. I pray that you also can feel the healing and growth for yourselves in the coming new season.

Psalm 107:1
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. 2 Let the redeemed of the LORD tell their story— those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,3 those he gathered from the lands, from east and west, from north and south. 4 Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle. 5 They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away. 6 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress.

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About the Author

Mark lives in Oregon with his lovely wife, Darla and enjoys reading, writing, playing games and working to make the world a better place. He currently serves CitySalt church as a sound engineer and on the church council.

Gratitude | Searching for Gratitude in Dark Times

This has been a dark year, and with the recent switch to daylight savings time, we now find ourselves rapidly losing daylight. So our physical environment now matches the psychological and spiritual darkness we've been experiencing these many months since the pandemic began. Now is the time to increase my Vitamin D intake, and find the happy light I purchased on Amazon last winter. The lack of light can have a big impact on mood, and this year it's already hard enough to have a positive outlook.

I think it's important to be able to name the things we've lost and grieve them. My children have lost 5 months of in-person school and counting. This includes my son's last year with his preschool friends, and the beginning of kindergarten. We've lost birthday parties, playdates, sports, visits with relatives. My favorite special occasion restaurant in Eugene went out of business. I've had to take two months of leave from my job to help manage things at home.

But — I'm continuing to feel cautiously optimistic about the future. For all that's been lost during this pandemic, it's given me an opportunity to focus on the things I still have. Much has been lost, but perhaps some things have also been gained.

John 1:5
“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

I've managed to fill almost an entire journal with gratitude lists since March, in an attempt to stay focused on the positive.

In July, my family and I took a weekend trip to Central Oregon to stay at a lakeside cabin. We'd been there a few years before, and had fun, but this time I was struck by just how beautiful the surroundings were. I hadn't realized how beautiful it was the first time I'd visited — but after months of quarantine, it seemed spectacular.

As I write this, my daughter is doing online school at the kitchen table, and I'm thankful for how far we've come. My daughter and I both hated the online school experience in the spring — it was just a horrible experience for our family. Now I'm just filled with gratitude that it's actually working for us on so many levels. I have the ability to be at home with her to help support and supervise. The district provided her with an iPad to do her work on so she has her own device. She's actually learning and has in fact made fantastic progress in her reading since schools closed in March, and seems to be above grade level in math. Online school is even fulfilling some of her social needs, as they're providing lots of quick opportunities for chatting.

I'm thankful for the opportunity I have right now to take leave from my job. I'd been trying to just keep going and try to make things work, and suddenly a few weeks ago I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. I was getting chronic headaches, the kids were watching way too much TV, Paul was sneaking sweets everytime I turned my back, and my house looked like a disaster zone. So I made a plan with my work to take November and December off (with partial pay). On my first official day off, I spent most of the day doing chores. I tackled the bathroom over the weekend, and am now working on a deep clean of the kids’ bedrooms (not a project for the faint of heart). I could devote the bulk of my time off to housework, but I'm hoping to be mindful of also taking time for myself for things I enjoy like exercise and writing.

As for my candy-sneaking son, he's been spending a lot of time with Grandma, which is another thing I'm thankful for. I'm also thankful that he is enrolled in a low-tech, play-based kindergarten program. He only has three 15-minute Zoom meetings per week, compared to my 3rd grader, who spends about 5 hours per day completing schoolwork on her iPad. I think he's a bit bored and understimulated, but I'm trying to make up for that in other ways. The kids are taking a PE class two afternoons a week this month, so hopefully that will be a positive experience for both of them. I've also discovered that Paul loves crafts! Part of his kindergarten curriculum involves a weekly sewing craft, and it is his favorite part of kindergarten. This month I also purchased a package of 16 craft projects for the month from our local children's museum, and each of my kids will get to do eight of them. Paul and I had fun making a toy watch for daylight savings time and various other crafts over the past two weeks.

I celebrated a birthday recently, and to kick off the day Spencer made me a special breakfast — cornmeal biscuits with shiitake mushroom gravy, topped with fried eggs. This was in remembrance of my favorite breakfast place in Portland, where we lived during our twenties. I had a sweet day with my family, and challenged myself to a long (for me) run of 3.5 miles. I also got some new books that I'm super excited to dig into. Caste by Isabel Wilkerson, The Rosie Result by Graeme Simsion (the end of a hilarious trilogy), The Once and Future Witches by Alix Harrow (loved her last book), and Freckled: A Memoir of Growing Up Wild in Hawaii by TW Neal. Dark and stormy days ahead means the perfect time for curling up with some good books.

Are you able to find gratitude in these dark times?

“People who have come to know the joy of God do not deny the darkness, but they choose not to live in it. They claim that the light that shines in the darkness can be trusted more than the darkness itself, and that a little bit of light can dispel a lot of darkness.” — Henri Nouwen

Bringing light to the darkness on a lantern walk in November. Lantern walks are part of the traditional celebration of the Christian feast of St. Martin (Martinmas), and a precursor to modern-day jack-o-lanterns.

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About the Author

Ursula and her husband Spencer have two young children, and their family enjoys playing hide-and-seek and dancing in the living room. She works as a communications and events coordinator with the University of Oregon.

You can read more from Ursula at motherbearblog.com.