Fruits of the Spirit | Kindness

Kindness has become a trendy buzzword lately. Kids see it in school rules: “Be kind, Be safe, Be responsible…” We see it on signs in people’s lawns. I recently discovered that there are even “kindness” clubs and committees in our communities, when a kindness club marched by in the Springfield Christmas parade. I think most people would agree that “kindness” is something to aspire to, something that helps our world in general, from the local to global levels. 

So why is it so hard to do? Why does our world still not get along? Why are there so many teen suicides because of bullying and other unkind acts? 

The answer is complex. Obviously, acts of aggression are a different ballgame than unkind words due to immature communication. But watching my new children interact, I think one likely cause is not knowing how to deal with anger. We get a hint of how anger and kindness are connected in the book of Ephesians:

Ephesians 4:25-27, 29 - 5:2 (NIV)
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin” [quoting Psalm 4:4]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 

To me, this passage speaks of a combination of healthy boundaries and love. Because God loves us and creates in us love for others, we are motivated to be kind. But we also need to have boundaries. Boundaries to protect us so we can speak truthfully to others about what we need and let them know when they’ve hurt us. We can use this skill when we’re angry and hurt to make the situation better instead of lashing out to cause more hurt. 

We can see this easily in children because they’re less subtle about it. They get hurt by their sibling/peer/etc. and retaliate instantly, causing escalation. Or if they don’t, they hold onto the anger, which gives “the devil a foothold” by allowing the anger to become bitterness and resentment or even eventually malice. We all do this sometimes but may not even realize it. 

But God provides a different way. He doesn’t say “Don’t be angry.” Instead He says “In your anger do not sin.” We can be honest with each other about our boundaries or what they’ve done to hurt us, but we can do so respectfully and kindly, out of love and compassion for that person. Not only with the intent to not hurt them, and not only to help them learn and grow, but also to maintain the relationship between us. We can help the other person see that we’re communicating our needs/hurts because we value their relationship. We can walk in the way of love, as Christ does for us. 

Today, after writing this post, one of our kids did a great job of demonstrating this principle. She’d misheard something I’d said and her feelings were understandably hurt. It took her a few minutes to tell her dad and I why she was upset, but she articulated it well. I was able to assure her of what I’d really meant, and she forgave me. Later I affirmed her great job of communicating. I’m so grateful that she didn’t lash out or hold on to the hurt, because I love her. 

Kindness. It’s not just a buzzword, but a way to heal our relationships and our world.

---

About the Author

Jessie is a novice writer, with several books in various stages and a blog about travel and the journeys of women. She is very excited to be a part of the CitySalt blog team. She has been blessed by a few communities of Christian writers that have encouraged her dream. She lives with her sweet husband, Chris, their 5 funny kids, and 1 fluffy cat in Springfield. She loves hiking and other outdoor and indoor adventures with her family.

Ephesians 4 | Living Out Our Deepest Values

In my walk as a Christian and my journey through this life, I’m always looking for direction and reminders for living out my deepest values and allowing them to guide my choices, big and small.

How wonderful that we have the bible to guide us! The second part of Ephesians 4 in the New International Version, is clearly subtitled, “Instructions for Christian Living.” If you’re on a mission to live well as a Christian too, I’d say “look no further;” although the bible is full of these instructions, so do look further! For now, here is what Paul instructs us to do in Ephesians 4:

• Speak truthfully to your neighbor

• In your anger, do not sin

• Do not steal, do honest work

• Have something to share with those in need

• Speak “what is helpful for building others up according to their needs”

• Do not grieve the holy spirit

• Get rid of bitterness, rage and anger

• Be kind and compassionate to one another

• Forgive one another

I feel like when I was young, I was taught to be kind as if it was easy, and for the most part I found that it was. I may have a selective memory, but I don’t remember having any significant conflict of my own. My siblings and I got along well (until the summer we spent playing Nintendo). But as I got older I found myself facing conflicts and feeling angry. Even in my desire to be kind, I found myself hurting others with my words and actions. Being kind suddenly wasn’t so easy. As adults, we are challenged by this world and the instructions Paul gives us become more like instructions for putting together furniture, simple pictures that don’t pan out so well when put into action.

Looking at these instructions as an experienced adult, familiar with many of life's challenges, I notice how these instructions are saying so much more. Three stand out:

1. “In your anger, do not sin.” Paul acknowledges our anger and that we do have it, that it is a reality in this world. I appreciate that recognition so that we can learn to face it with good choices, learning how to respond “in our anger” so that when it bubbles up, we do not sin.

2. Speak “what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” This is written as, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29.

   What really speaks to me here is that he adds “according to their needs.” I hear Paul telling us to choose our words carefully, recognizing who we are speaking to and how those words will be received, to use words that “benefit those who listen.” This is a wonderful reminder for me when I feel convicted in my truth and want to share “my wisdom” with my children. They may not hear it as I intended if I am not careful to choose words that are “helpful for building others up,” specifically words that will land well with the person I am speaking to.

3. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger.” Now this is a project. I also just shared how grateful I am that Paul recognizes that we do have anger, so what does that make us if we feel anger, yet are also instructed to “get rid of all .. anger?” It makes us a work in progress. This may mean we are working through old traumas or simply replacing a sharp reaction with a deep breath and a smile. Either way, the end goal (that we may never reach) keeps us progressing and living out our deepest values, by bringing God’s grace and love to each choice we make, big and small.

In summary, Ephesians 4 reminds me to strive for a pure heart with no bitterness, rage or anger by speaking words that are helpful in building others up, so that in moments of anger I will not sin. This helps me live out my deepest values of contributing kindness, sharing God’s love and encouragement with others, and living with a positive perspective and a deep gratitude to our Lord. And when I stumble, I can remember that I am a work in progress and be kind and encouraging to myself! I hope you will do the same.

---

About the Author

Leona is a wife, mother and traveler who is intrigued by how different people live. Her latest project is exploring ways that different walks of life can simplify, in order to live a fulfilling journey.

Cycles | Deciding What to Do with the Time That is Given to Us

As we’ve lived through the past 18 months of this pandemic, my emotions have cycled through disbelief, panic, despair, anger, and gratitude for the blessings that I do have. This summer, I began to approach a more steady emotional baseline, but that has changed recently as the Delta variant has surged through our community and overwhelmed our health care system. In recent weeks, I’ve found myself more stuck in negative emotions and struggling to feel hopeful.

One morning I was half-heartedly praying for God’s help through this mess, and I felt nudged to consider shifting my focus away from myself. Despair about the pandemic had led me to negative self-talk about my life in general. So, I felt God reminding me that this pandemic is not only a difficult time for me, and that I should shift my focus on finding ways to be an encouragement to others.

With that in mind, I called my friend whose preschool daughter recently tested positive for covid to check in with her and offer my prayers. I spent time helping my son clean his disaster-zone bedroom. I baked zucchini bread for my family and took my dog for a walk.

The times we’re living through are challenging and it’s easy to become discouraged. We may wish that others would make different choices. We may wish we ourselves had made different choices in the past. None of those things are within our control. I’ve been reminding myself that I can only control my own choices, today.

Last winter, I read the Lord of the Rings trilogy aloud to my daughter. Traveling a dangerous path to Mt. Doom felt like a good parallel for life in the pandemic. One scene has stood out to me in particular. Frodo says to Gandalf, “I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish it need not have happened in my time.”

And Gandalf replied, “So do I. And so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to us.”

How then, should we respond to the time that is given to us? Should we give in to anger and vitriol over personal freedoms vs. safety? Should we give in to despair and stop even trying? Or should we try to keep moving forward and attempt to live from a place of kindness, respect, and hope?

I hope I will always choose to keep moving forward, even when we’re unsure of the path in front of us, just like Frodo and his friends did in Lord of the Rings.

I’ve read that the pandemic in the U.S. may start fading away in October, as the Delta surge recedes. I’ve also read that the pandemic may not end for several more years. Which is closer to the truth? We don’t know.

It’s so hard to live within this uncertainty. I wonder, how do we keep moving forward when the ground beneath our feet keeps shifting? I’ve run out of answers, yet it seems there must be a way.

We need to be honest and acknowledge the tragedies of the last eighteen months and the challenges we continue to face locally and globally. Let’s give ourselves a break and recognize that many of us may not be able to function at our best right now. Our feelings of grief, anger, denial, and resilience will come in cycles. At the same time, we can draw inspiration from literature, scripture, and history and recognize that humanity is no stranger to dark times. Our ancestors have lived through world wars, natural disasters, smallpox outbreaks, and the bubonic plague. God put us in this time and place for a reason, and will not abandon us now.

Isaiah 43:1-2
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters I will be with you, and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God.”

---

About the Author

Ursula and her husband Spencer have two young children, and their family enjoys playing hide-and-seek and dancing in the living room. She works as a communications and events coordinator with the University of Oregon.

You can read more from Ursula at motherbearblog.com.

The Advent of Revolution | The Revolution of Kindness Starts with You (and Me)

I believe that we are facing a crisis of hope both locally and globally. Eugene has the highest per-capita homelessness rate in the nation. Oregon schools are facing an unprecedented spike in behavior problems. American life expectancy has been declining since 2014. And the kids’ music video “Baby Shark” has been viewed on YouTube more than 4 billion times. (If you haven’t seen it...you’re really not missing anything).

Hope can be hard to come by. I feel overwhelmed when I think about some of the huge problems our world is facing. I’m distressed about the human rights crisis at our southern border, and the horrible living conditions in developing countries that are at the root of it. I am distressed by climate change, and the knowledge that it will only create more refugees.

I am also upset that the church isn’t doing more to address these issues. I am not pointing the finger at CitySalt or any individual church in particular. I am instead pointing the finger at the larger church body of American Christians — and even at myself.

In this Advent season, my heart turns to the story of the Holy Family, young parents who were forced to flee their homeland to escape political persecution. A young family of refugees. I am not attempting to make a political statement, but just this: that all people deserve kindness. Remember that Jesus himself was a refugee, and that He always stood with those who were most marginalized and outcast by society. I hope that when we think of refugees, street people, those experiencing disability, and other marginalized groups, we can remember that those are exactly the people that Jesus liked to spend time with.

Last year, during a church gathering at my house, I could hear my daughter loudly singing from the backyard, “The Revolution starts now in my own backyard, in my own hometown.” It was a song taught to her by her first-grade teacher, a gentle man who plays guitar and sings folk songs to the kids. He told the students that we needed a revolution of love and peace.

There’s a movement afoot in Eugene to become a City of Kindness. Coordinator Doug Carnine was quoted in The Register-Guard saying, “We want to uplift people through kindness.”

In the face of the massive-scale problems our world is facing, is kindness enough? How much difference can it make? Isn’t it just a drop in the bucket?

The mayor of Anaheim, California is a leader of the cities of kindness initiative. More than one million acts of kindness were reported over eight years in Anaheim, and the city has seen a reduction in homelessness, gang membership, bullying and violence in schools, and crime.

I believe that practicing kindness has the potential to make a bigger impact than we might think. Kindness is the practical expression of Jesus’ mandate to “love your neighbor as yourself,” as well as a powerful antidote to the hope crisis we are facing. One act of kindness may be a drop in the bucket, but many acts of kindness by many individuals can add up to something big. A bucket of kindness that overflows. We can embody the spirit of Christ by bringing His light into dark places. We can bring real change, resilience, and hope.

What are some practical ways to show kindness?

1. Pray for the person you have in mind. If you have a hard time feeling love for that person, pray that God would help you see them through God’s eyes.

2. Donate gently used items to St. Vincent’s or another favorite charity.

3. Donate money to your favorite nonprofit, such as Food for Lane County.

4. Help make burritos with CitySalt for homeless youth on December 10 at The Box.

5. Invite your neighbor over for dinner.

6. Write a note of appreciation.

7. Forgive someone.

What are your ideas for acts of kindness? Share in the comments section below.

---

About the Author

Ursula and her husband Spencer have two young children, and their family enjoys playing hide-and-seek and dancing in the living room. She works as a communications and events coordinator with the University of Oregon.

You can read more from Ursula at motherbearblog.com.

Salt and Light | Woven Together

I was in my early forties when I decided to buy my first home, a condo. I tried to patiently endure the long purchasing process and eagerly looked forward to the day when I could sign the papers and the home would be mine. It wasn’t until I started to sign the mortgage documents with my signature and date, that I realized I was buying the condo on my birthday. I laugh-cried at the thought that I had given myself a thirty-year debt as a birthday present.

Once I got over this shock, I focused on moving out of my rental house and into the condo. I was fortunate that my situation gave me a luxurious timeframe of 2 weeks to move.

After friends and family helped me move the big items, I slowly but steadily moved the smaller things that could fit in my car. One of the last things of mine that remained in the rental house was the washer I bought from a previous roommate. It was built in the 1970’s, when American appliances were made of heavy steel and weighed much more than they do now. I dreaded moving that washer and put off trying to find a third person to help my cousin Don and I move it out of the rental’s garage. Moving day finally arrived but I had been too embarrassed to ask someone to possibly strain their back in order to help me. Don backed up his truck into the open garage, and with the assistance of a flattened cardboard box, we slid the washing machine the length of the garage to the bed of the truck. We discussed the best strategy to lift it and place it on the folded down tailgate. My cousin looked at me suddenly and asked “didn’t you get someone else to help us?” I sheepishly looked away and mumbled no. Don sighed in frustration, as we both bent down and grabbed the washer on either side. We slowly hefted the heavy metal box with its metal motor about 2 feet off the ground, when I stalled. I couldn’t find the extra muscle power to boost it the last few feet onto the tailgate. With our arms and backs straining, we both exchanged a panicked look over the shaking washer, and my cousin shouted “Put it down!” He added “I don’t know how we’re going to do this!” We both breathed heavily for a few moments then stubbornly tried again.

For the second attempt, we exerted about the same amount of effort, but this time the washer only reached about a foot off the ground when I heard a voice from the front yard say “Careful! You need another set of hands!” We simultaneously shifted our attention from the back of the truck to the front sidewalk, and watched a tall, slender man walk from the sidewalk into my garage and examine the washer. I explained to the kind-looking man that I sold the washer and the new owners were waiting for us to deliver it to their house in Springfield. He then walked up to the side of the washer opposite my cousin and diplomatically instructed us. He reminded Don and I how to change our stance and lift using the strength of our legs and abdomen in order to protect our backs. I took the third side and before I knew it, the washer was in the back of the truck and securely tethered in place using straps and the truck’s tie-down hooks. Don and I profusely thanked the kind man who wished us a good day, then got in his car and drove away. The entire process took less than 15 minutes! I went from a gut twisting feeling of hopelessness about our goal, to feeling that we had been visited by one of God’s helper angels. As we drove to Springfield, Don and I discussed how God faithfully, abundantly, and mercifully provided us with the precise help we needed at the exact moment we needed it!

I continue to think about that experience in the nearly 20 years since it happened. I think about how God designed humans to help each other. And He designed humans to honor his creation of community by supporting each other with God’s eternal love as a healthy extended family.

It is a life-giving honor and a profound blessing to help other people as we have been helped by God. To me this true story shows how we, as human beings, are all connected to each other, and are woven together in the larger work of God’s eternal kingdom and family.

Years later, I saw this principle in action again but from a different perspective. I still live in the same condo after 18 years. And earlier this year, I found myself recovering from the disappointment that one of my favorite neighbors, Jenny, decided to sell her unit and downsize into an even smaller apartment. I appreciated that she notified a group of us a full month before she listed her unit, which helped me correct my attitude and be happy for her. Still, I put off saying my final good bye.

By late afternoon of her final day of ownership, I no longer heard or saw her next door and thought I had waited too long. As I sat in my living room regretting that I missed my chance, I heard Jenny’s familiar voice on her back porch. Our back yards were adjacent to each other, so I seized my chance and walked the 30 odd steps to her back door. By this time, she was standing inside with her friend, fiddling with something above the sliding glass door which was open. I called out to her and knocked on the frame of her screen door. She greeted me with a surprised voice and enthusiastically invited me to come in. Before I could speak, Jenny said “You came at the perfect time! Can you help us hang the curtain rod?” This task doesn’t sound like something that needs more than one person to do, but Jenny was under five feet tall and her friend was not much taller. They showed me that the curtain rod was created in three pieces with an extension rod in the middle. Due to their shorter height, neither woman could reach the brackets while holding the curtain rod horizontally. They tried to employ a workaround of holding the curtain rod at a steep angle and sliding it into place between the brackets. Every time they tried this technique the extension rod would telescope into the rod ends and fall out of the brackets with all three pieces on the floor at their feet. It was a stretch, but standing at a height of 5’7” I could easily reach the brackets while holding the curtain rod horizontally. After a few attempts I successfully dropped the curtain rod into the brackets. Both ladies patted me on the back and Jenny expressed relief that her moving-out work was now done and she could give her keys to her real estate agent. I wished Jenny well and said goodbye.

The full circle aspect of this experience suddenly hit me. I remembered the kind man who was especially suited to help us move the washer. He came equipped with his God-given strength, his knowledge of how to lift heavy objects safely, and with his ability to teach in a gentle manner that was non-threatening to my rather frustrated cousin. I never thought of myself as especially tall, but I was the right height to get the job done, and I was in the right place at the right time. Also, I didn’t miss my chance; I still was able to say a final goodbye to my neighbor. God took the occasion to show me that when I listen to His voice and follow His timing, it’s never too late to seize an opportunity He is giving me! That was a deeply encouraging reminder to me. I loved being able to pay forward the gift I received in the past, by helping another person. This is part of God’s perfect original design for this world and His eternal Kingdom!

Romans 12:4-5 (NLV)
Our bodies are made up of many parts. None of these parts have the same use. There are many people who belong to Christ. And yet, we are one body which is Christ’s. We are all different but we depend on each other.

---

About the Author

Sara has attended CitySalt Church since 2004, the year it was founded. She studied Journalism, wrote for her college newspaper, and is a member of Oregon Christian Writers. Sara also enjoys singing hymns with friends: “there is a sermon in every hymn waiting to be discovered and enjoyed.”