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Love Your Enemies | Generous Assumptions

Terry Sheldon February 26, 2021

Lately I've been fascinated by our modern cultural definition of “enemies.” In perhaps more raw and uncivilized times in our history, an enemy literally meant a physical threat or actual harm. Certainly people do still experience terror and violence from others, but now it seems in our Western culture, more often than not our enemies are “only” people we disagree with (on social media), and from a distance - someone we don't even know!

A root word keeps reappearing in my thinking as I walk forward - assumptions. I want to learn more, I want God to teach me more about how we think. How our thoughts affect our ideas, our speech and ultimately our actions towards others. It appears our objective conclusions aren’t so, well, objective...

Remember the ancient fable of the three blind men and the elephant? Having never encountered one before, each of them touches one specific part of the huge beast. All three quarrel with the other because each thinks he knows what it is based entirely on his own limited experience. And all three are wrong.

In our own attempt to make sense of our world, we constantly do the same. We filter our judgments through our limited experiences, and worse, distort them even more with latent pessimism, cynicism, and tragically misplaced anger. Ignorance is a killer, and not caring to seek the bigger picture of the whole elephant, is inexcusable. But we all do it daily. God help us. And forgive us!

Why is our country so divided right now? The real truth, a wise man once said, frequently lies somewhere near the middle of two extremes. That is not to say there aren't stands that need to be taken, very real wrongs that need to be righted, and certain absolutes that are, well, absolute. But I maintain that most of our disagreements are exaggerated and misplaced. I have been humbled as a parent when I realized that the very thing I was so frustrated about with my own child, was my own personal failure as well.

The human condition has plenty of inherent common ground, if we are honest and humble to seek it.

So why are generous assumptions important - even essential? First, assumptions are by nature flawed because they are so quickly adopted and emotionally held. Irresistible thought candy. Secondly, even if "true", assumptions are typically only a very small part of the whole truth. We must redeem assumptions for the good, and then build on them. And we must gather more nuggets of information, while snacking on humble pie.

Yes, there for the grace of God, go we.

We are all quite complicated and always in process. Isn't giving another the benefit of the doubt something that Jesus would do? Tragically, Amazing Grace isn't a song we think much about singing to others.

Generous assumptions are a gift to us. They are one of God's most powerful tools in our employ, but they must be given away!


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About the Author

Terry is a man in constant motion to explore new horizons. He has a thirst for new places and faces, and a deep love for the natural world - with a weakness for waterfalls and sunsets. All of this venturing out helps to both ground and inspire him, because it opens him up to people, with their vast, collective array of experiences, outlooks and responses.

He finds all of this fascinating and sees that it has encouraged the growth of something crucial in his Christian development: empathy and compassion toward his brothers and sisters on this planet.

In Terry Sheldon Tags Love Your Enemies, generous assumptions, Elephant Fable, Judgement, Ignorance, Common Ground, Humility
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Common Ground – Practicing P.L.A.C.E.

John Rice May 15, 2020

One of the first things I learned as a child was to make distinctions: a boy is not a girl, white is not black, ugly is not beautiful, healthy is not sick, fat is not thin, Christian is not Jewish or Muslim, American is not Russian or Japanese….and, of course… Texas is not like anywhere else!

To be sure, it’s a pretty common thing to learn about something by learning about its opposite, or if not opposite, at least something different. We like to contrast things. It helps bring things into clarity.

As I got older, though, I realized that these dualistic contrasts were not always helpful and could be sometimes downright harmful. And why is that? Well, I think it is because it’s all too simple, and to keep it simple and easy to understand, you have to do a lot of generalizing and stereotyping to make things (and people) fit into little boxes with clear rigid sides. This way we have a sense of some kind of tidy control over our categories. We can file them away in alphabetical order on the shelves in our mental library. We can even do this with God, or at least our ideas about God.

The problem, as I see it now in my life, is that life isn’t so tidy, predictable, able to be categorized. And when we only think dualistically, we tend to judge “the other” as something not as good as the thing we are, or the thing we understand best. I guess that’s a piece of human nature. We tend to judge and fear things that are unfamiliar to us.

This is not very helpful when we want to live out Jesus’ mandate to love God and to love other people as we love ourselves…. even our enemies! How do we do that well, if we are suspicious and fearful of people even a little different from ourselves?

It might help us if we did some “exchanging”. We could practice P.L.A.C.E. (patience, listening, awareness, curiosity, empathy).

Maybe we could exchange our impatience for patience. Maybe we could quit talking so much about ourselves and our opinions and do a lot more listening and asking questions. Maybe we could exchange our judgement for curiosity about “the other”. Maybe we could look for ways to be empathetic rather than critical. Maybe we could exchange our fear for a new kind of courage that allows us to stay put in unfamiliar or uncomfortable circles.

I read in the teachings of a very wise man that it usually takes either great love or great suffering for our little neat boxes to be expanded, to be transformed. When we experience deep, healthy love (human or godly) or we experience great pain and suffering, our horizons open up in a way they couldn’t otherwise. Isn’t this a mystery? Maybe this is what Jesus was getting at when he said, “Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

Suffering is bound to happen to us if we are human. It is common to the human condition in this imperfect world, so no one escapes it. But it seems to me that living a life of love might be more of a choice. We get to choose whether to love God or love other people. We can choose to just live a life “looking out for #1”. Some people are energized by anger and power over others. But at what cost? As Jesus put it, they would gain the whole world but lose their souls.

There are actions that bring life and there are actions that bring death. It seems to me that being more open, accepting, including, helping, loving… and just plain walking alongside people of any persuasion (whether racial, social, economic, sexual, religious, national, etc.) is life-giving to us and to them. The contrary to this brings a kind of death energy. And I have a strong feeling that walking alongside “the other” will expose more commonalities than differences among us. We are, after all, nothing more or less than ….human …created in the image of a most loving God.

Matthew 22:37-40
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.

Matthew 5:3-4
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Matthew 16:26
What good will it be for a man is he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?


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About the Author

John has been an essential component to the life and development of CitySalt since 2004 and, presently, serves as an associate pastor with a focus on prayer, discipleship and spiritual direction in addition to being a regular part of the teaching team. He enjoys the outdoors, water sports, music, reading and especially spending time with his wonderful family and chocolate lab, Gunnar.

In John Rice Tags Common Ground, Categories, Tidy Control, Judgement, Love, PLACE, Empathy, Choice
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Seeing the Other | Love Your Enemies

Sarah Withrow King April 13, 2018

I don’t like people, until I meet them.

I’m not proud of this. I want to be a person who loves as Jesus loved, unconditionally and across all kinds of borders.

A decade in animal protection—watching videos of humans doing things to animals that will haunt my twilight thoughts until the day I die—taught me to be skeptical of the possibility of goodness in a person, to believe that everyone was capable of horrific violence and sadistic cruelty.

Well, that’s what I tell myself. But I think I’ve always been a little too sure of my own right-ness.

Social media and internet silos that are designed to show me more of what I like and agree with haven’t helped matters. I eat a bland digital diet of confirmation bias, gobbling up the videos and articles and memes that reinforce my existing opinions. I engage with online friends who echo my own existing views and, too often, quickly dismiss dissenting voices.

Through what I consume, I train myself to pass judgement on vast swaths of the human population. Proponents of the political party that I don’t usually vote for? Dumb. Members of a religious order not my own? Probably brainwashed. People who view [fill in the blank hotbutton socio-political issue] differently than I do? They’ll see the light eventually. I really don’t like people…but then I meet them.

The generous, happy-go-lucky neighbor who holds views far from my own. He helped my husband identify a fulfilling business opportunity. The encouraging, patient gym coach who wears a different kind of #_____LivesMatter t-shirt than I do. She takes time after class to show me how I can improve my range of motion and strength. The old high school friend who predictably comments on every article about guns I post. He makes some valid points sometimes.

Shortly after football player Michael Vick was arrested for dog-fighting, I sat in a room with him for eight hours as he took a course on empathy for animals that I developed. We even did a Bible study together, since he identified as a Christian. I knew the terrible things he had been involved in, but was able to connect on a human level and felt no particular ill-will toward him.

Jesus understood the power of human connection. In the Sermon on the Mount, he is recorded as telling his listeners to go so far as to leave the altar if, in the middle of giving their gift, they realized they had an outstanding rift. Reconciliation and right relationship among the community was a higher priority that regulations or religious rituals.

“Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.” It’s an astonishing and impossible ask. And the instructions that precede it press into the need for relationship especially with people we are prone to hate. If someone strikes you, give them your other cheek. If someone sues you for your coat, give them your cloak, too. If someone forces you to carry their pack one mile, carry it for two. And give to everyone who begs from you. (Matthew 5:38-42). How many times have I breezily lied to men and women begging outside of Union Station, or Fred Meyer: “Sorry, I don’t carry cash!”

In his book, Engaging the Powers, Walter Wink suggests that in telling his followers to turn the other cheek, give our cloak, and walk the second mile, Jesus is discipling us in the way of nonviolent engagement. Turning the other cheek “robs the oppressor of the power to humiliate” and offers a chance at redemption. Giving our cloak shames a system that would allow a wealthy person to literally take the shirt off the back of the poor. And walking a second mile carrying the pack of a Roman soldier, brutal occupiers of Palestine, helps “oppressed people find a way to protest and neutralize an onerous practice.” Each of these methods of nonviolent resistance not only restores dignity to the one who is shamed or oppressed, but also offers an opportunity for the oppressor to regain their own humanity.

Ethicists Glen Stassen and David Gushee look at these same texts of Matthew in their book Kingdom Ethics and posit that Jesus’ commands here to turn the other cheek, give a creditor your cloak, and carry the pack a second mile are “transforming initiatives” that help Jesus followers break out of old paradigms. Rather than violent retaliation, or passivity, we’re to take nonviolent action to resist evil.  

So, where does that leave me, with my propensity for judgement and dismissal, for distance from the people and situations that make me angry or uncomfortable simply out of my own sense of self-righteousness? How do I resist the temptation to surround myself with the people and ideas that reinforce my ideas of justice? How do I even begin to break down these border walls between me and the people that I am so eager to “other”?

I am fortunate to work with people who are smarter and more compassionate than I am. One of them helped start The People’s Supper, a way of connecting across difference over a shared meal. Another helps lead tours to important Civil Rights historical sites, to help equip the church to live into our biblical call to be ambassadors of reconciliation. I learn a lot from them, mostly by listening. I need to do a lot of listening.

And I’m spending less time online and more time with flesh-and-blood people. Because I love everyone, once I meet them.


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About the Author

Sarah Withrow King is the author of Vegangelical: How Caring for Animals Can Shape Your Faith (Zondervan, 2016) and Animals Are Not Ours (No, Really, They’re Not): An Evangelical Animal Liberation Theology (Cascade Books, 2016). She spends her days working for Evangelicals for Social Action and CreatureKind, helping Christians put their faith into action. She lives in Eugene with her husband, son, and animal companions and enjoys action movies, black coffee, the daily crossword, and dreaming of her next international journey.

In Sarah Withrow King Tags Seeing the Other, Love Your Neighbor, Judgement, Human Connection
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