There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…
When the topic of lament came up as a possible theme for these blogs, my mind immediately went to this Ecclesiastes verse. There is a time for everything… even sadness. Then in 1 Corinthians 6:12, it says "All things are permissible for me" but not all things are helpful. "All things are permissible for me," but I will not be enslaved by anything.
Mark Twain said, "As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain while awake. I never smoke more than one cigar at a time"
Obviously moderation can be subjective, although Twain might be proof we're not always the best judge of what moderation means for ourselves. If there is a time for everything, some questions arise: When is it the right time for what? How long shall we go on in any of these activities? When is it time to change from one thing to another? How many cigars SHOULD we smoke at once?
I first consider guilt. Guilt is evidence of our conscience or the Spirit speaking to us but it can also be used by the enemy to prevent us from personal growth and positive influence. Hopefully guilt brings us to make good decisions for ourselves and be rid of what brought us guilt before we are in real trouble. But if guilt persists long after we are redeemed it becomes shame and shame can become debilitating to us. The fear of God is the BEGINNING of wisdom but God's Love cast out all fear. We should not remain in guilt indefinitely.
Likewise, we mourn the passing of loved ones but to remain in mourning forever is something even our passed loved ones would not wish on us. There was a time for mourning. That time passes. The time to move on arrives.
We can lament different kinds of things. We can lament our actions. We can lament certain happenings in the world. We can lament the loss of something dear to us. We can lament the loss of a relationship. This lament I know all too well.
I had spent twenty years lamenting the loss of a relationship. In my grief and anger I sought to change myself into something more befitting to what that relationship required despite the impossibility of mending it. I began to read more. I began to think about things differently. The changes I made were beneficial to me. But my motivation for making these changes was unhealthy and it was eating away at me.
More accurately I learned it was not the lament of loss that was continuing to affect me but rather a hatred of myself, or who I used to be. How could I have been so foolish to have lost something so dear to me? But hate benefits no one.
A counselor advised I need to have compassion for that twenty year old version of myself whom I came to despise so much. I knew this was a way of saying I need to forgive myself. But I should have known better back then, right? I held myself to such a high standard! And the disgust I had for that twenty year old me was what turned me into something I rather liked now… or had it? Perhaps in all ways but one. I needed to let go of that grief and hatred of myself to truly be free. I knew in the present I was still tormenting myself. The time to move on was long overdue.
It took much retrospection to realize that what I endured, the changes I had put myself through, and who I am now had been directed by God from the start. The relationship I had lost was not good for me then, and it would have only become worse if allowed to continue. The lifestyle changes, despite being improperly motivated at the time, prepared me not for fixing the past but for facing the future. And now I find myself aptly placed and prepared to love the people around me in the ways they need. I find myself blessed beyond anything that past life would have been able to yield had I stayed that course. This all starts with moving on and being able to love myself.
Yes, the twenty year old me was ignorant and foolish. But we all were at some point. The process of every activity under heaven, for which there is a time, are the processes of learning and growth. We cannot remain stagnant or "be enslaved" at any point in the process or we begin to die or neglect those in our charge, be they family or acquaintance. Growth moves forward and blossoms and multiplies.
As the Master sculpts you, do not lament for long the loss of the bits and pieces that are gradually chipped away. What remains becomes more and more beautiful with every bit removed.
About the Author
Christopher has worked as a children’s pastor and youth leader for several years and has published countless humor articles under the pseudonym Professor Popinjay. He studied biblical history and child psychology through Burean University and various other educational institutions. He enjoys writing, art, and the history of invention. He lives with his amazing wife Jessie and their six bizarre children, one of whom is a cat..
