Cycles | Fireweed: Beauty From Ashes

Jessie Carter July 30, 2021

Fireweed and Mt. Jefferson (photo by Jessie Johnson)

When I hear the word “cycle,” middle school science class comes to mind, with the life-cycle of an organism. Whether plant or animal, the cycle always includes death. So really, we should call it a “life and death cycle.” But that’s too depressing. Or too wordy. Or both.

Anyway, we all know that death is a part of life. But that’s really hard to accept sometimes. Death is the end of something. That thing is no longer alive, and that is sad. Really, really sad sometimes, especially when it’s a loved one. I haven’t yet lost anyone to death that was really close to me, but I’ve been told you never really stop grieving completely. In a lesser but still meaningful way, the death could be of a place or an item or a job that we cherished, lost to natural disaster or the economy, or death of a dream we’ve had to give up or grieve.

I’m currently grieving that last one, and I’ve done it before. It is very difficult in this stage to see the next one, the new-growth stage that comes after the death of something. But I am reminded of the beautiful passage in Isaiah chapter 61, verses 1-3. It says in the NIV translation:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives, and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

I don’t know about you, but between my personal current grief and the state of the world, I am very tempted to despair. But I hold onto the promises in this passage, and I believe that God has given us signs of this in nature.

Last summer, I went hiking with a friend to Jefferson Park, a gorgeous meadow on the flanks of Mt. Jefferson. The trail had just reopened after a few years of being closed due to a previous wildfire. We hiked through woods that seemed to contain nothing more than the ghostly remains of trees. We could see the devastation all around us. But soon we saw things that we wouldn’t have seen if we’d hiked there before the fire. Open views of the majestic Mt. Jefferson were available to us between the burned trees, where previously the evergreens would have blocked the views. And in several patches, this giant, bright pink flower grew on the forest floor. Later I asked a friend who used to work for the forest service about it--she said it’s called Fireweed.

Then I understood. This flower is the plant world’s phoenix, rising from the ashes of the wildfire. And it was beautiful.

It seems like every time I go to a memorial service for someone I knew, I find out about someone else I know having a baby. The new birth does not cancel the grief from the death, no more than the pretty fireweed undoes the devastation of the forest. But both of these examples of the life-cycle give me hope. God doesn’t promise to keep us from experiencing death or loss. But in the passage above, He does promise to comfort us in our mourning and bring new joy.

Oregon is still mourning the losses of land and homes and even people from last year’s wildfires, including the beautiful Jefferson Park that I made it to just in time last summer. This year is looking to cause as much or more damage. I am not saying we should be happy for tragedy and grief because of a joy that is to come. But, we can rejoice in the hope that God will comfort us, and that he promises to raise something beautiful from the ashes in our lives.

For a couple of songs inspired by this passage that bring me much comfort, check out these links.

About the Author

Jessie is an educator, she currently teaches teens and has taught overseas. She is also a novice writer, with several books in various stages and a (long-neglected) blog about the journeys of women. She is very excited to be a part of the CitySalt blog team. She has been blessed by a few communities of Christian writers that have encouraged her dream. She lives with her trusty sidekick cat, Arwen in the foothills of South Eugene, where she can go hiking within minutes of the sun coming out from behind the clouds.

Resilient | The Gift of Surviving

Jessie Carter May 7, 2021

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

I am not the best person to write about resilience in the face of all the challenges we’ve had this last year. I’ve barely survived. Currently, I’m at my heaviest adult weight from all the stress/loneliness/working-my-day-job-too-close-to-my-kitchen eating (as well as the lack of chasing students around a school). I am missing my class, and am wondering if my friendships will survive the polarization of politics. I’m limping along on this crazy, slow-motion, surreal marathon that I know has an end but isn’t in sight yet. I’m still moving forward, I think. Barely. By the grace of God.

But maybe that’s the point. Maybe resilience is a gift from God. I sure couldn’t craft it, despite all my best attempts this last year to help myself survive pandemic and polarization with various gimmicks and plans like hosting Zoom game nights, convincing friends to let me come over and watch the movies you have to have streaming services for, and writing a short story and silly posts in my personal blog.

Truth is, even if I’m sick of working from home and can only fit into 3/5 of my wardrobe, at least I have clothes and a home to keep them in. I’m still frustrated with the world and feel like people are overreacting and overcorrecting each other and making things worse instead of working together. But God keeps reminding me that He’s still in control. Even if WWIII or a new Civil War breaks out, which is kind of my biggest fear these days besides being stuck in distance teaching forever, I know He’ll still be helping us crazy humans. Because He’s crazy about us.

In case you can’t tell, humor is one of the ways I’ve been coping. When I lived in Afghanistan, my coworkers and I developed a bit of dark humor. You kind of have to, to survive in a place where you practice insurgent drills with your students instead of fire drills. It’s happening again for me now. Lately, I’ve been grateful for things like reruns of M*A*S*H where the characters survive the mental stress of war by making fun of it, and by their companionship and community. I am so grateful for all the friends and family that have gracefully let me call them constantly.

So here I’ll refer you to a real article about resilience written by our own CitySalt friend, Chris. His alter ego, Professor Popinjay, knows a thing or two about using humor (and reliance on God and the people He puts in our path) to develop resilience. Normally he writes for the Springfield-based Free For All newspaper, but this one was published in my friends’ online literary magazine, Illumine: Collective Light. Enjoy!

https://illumine.collectivelight.org/2020/01/02/resilience-its-not-just-for-masked-vigilantes-anymore/

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Love Your Enemies | Praying for our Enemies

Jessie Carter January 15, 2021

Luke 23:34
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up His clothes by casting lots.

Matthew 5:44
“But I [Jesus] tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

The idea of loving your enemies is, in my opinion, one of the things that sets Christianity apart from many other religions. Unfortunately, it’s also one that we fail at miserably. I am heartbroken when I see Christians setting such a terrible example for the world. Dehumanizing politicians, using insulting names for people who want a better world in a different way than they do, even desiring the extermination of entire people groups-- I’ve seen it all, from family, friends, and former students of mine who claim to be Christ-followers.

But am I any better? Who are my enemies? How have I treated them?

I have lashed out in anger against people who I deemed to be working against me. I have held grudges long after I should have forgiven someone. I have cultivated resentment. I have thrown people under the proverbial bus because I was frustrated with them. And probably much more.

All of this could have been avoided, I’m sure, if I’d taken the time to pray for my enemies before I spoke or acted. Praying for them serves several purposes. It gives us compassion. It reminds us that we have all been sinners. We are all just as guilty as the people who were actively participating in the death of Jesus. Thank God for His grace, mercy, and sacrifice in the form of His Son. We can remember that if the person we’re at odds with isn’t a Christian, then they may not know what they are doing, and we can ask for them to know God’s forgiveness like we have. And if the person is a Christian, we can ask God to guide us both.

Praying for them also gives us the strength and ability to love them in a way that we are incapable of in our own power. I experienced this firsthand while living in Central Asia. Though the details of this experience might be better shared over coffee, I can tell you that God gave me a supernatural love for a group that I had every reason to hate. I’ve also had this experience in teaching, when a student is acting disruptively or disrespectfully. Of course I love my students and don’t see them as enemies, but I don’t always feel that love toward them at the moment. Even teachers are human! But when I pray for them, my attitude changes and sometimes even their attitude/behavior does, too.

Now I’m not saying that we need to coddle everyone or condone everyone’s actions. I think it’s okay to vehemently disagree with someone’s actions or policies or attitudes, and to call them on it. But we can do this without dehumanizing them. They are made in God’s image, just like the rest of us; and we need to honor that, even when they don’t deserve it. Because all of us have “not deserved it” at some point. Thank God that He, in His love, made a way for us all to be forgiven. And Jesus, who knew that He would be killed violently, gave us the ultimate example of loving our enemies.

Dear Lord, please guide us as we deal with our natural human emotions, including hate. Help us to remember that humans are never the ultimate enemy. And since we have all deserved the worst, help us to have compassion for those we don’t like as we remember our own guilt and how we’ve received grace. And fill us with love for them, so we can pray for them to know You more. Or nudge us to pray for them, so we can be filled with love for them. Whichever needs to come first in each case. You know our needs, and You know their needs. Thank you for loving us all. Amen.

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Advent: He is Our Joy | Complete Joy

Jessie Carter December 11, 2020

John 15:11 (NIV)
“I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”

These words of Jesus are offered in the middle of a speech to His disciples where he comforts them, talks about abiding in Him and remaining in His love, and exhorts them to love one another. In the midst of these thoughts, He explains why He’s telling them all this: so that His joy can be in them and so that it will be complete.

What does this mean? Joy is a confusing word. Merriam-Webster has three definitions for the noun joy. One is “The emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune, or by the prospect of possessing what one desires.” The second is “A state of happiness or felicity.” The last one is “A source or cause of delight.”

I tend to think of joy as the second definition most often when I think about the concept in general. But I feel that the third definition is the most helpful when thinking about it spiritually. Happiness can come and go depending on my circumstances. But if my joy is in the Lord, then He is the source or cause of my delight, and that joy is available no matter my circumstances (very helpful this crazy year!). I love how this saint put it: “Jesus is honey in the mouth, music in the ear, and a shout of joy in the heart.” ~St. Bernard of Clairvaux

So in considering all of this, I think this is how we can have joy: Jesus is the source of our joy. If we follow His directions in John 15 by abiding in Him, remaining in His love, loving each other, and having faith and hope in Him; His joy will be in us, and it will be complete. This doesn’t mean that we’ll always feel happy. Sorrow and other sad emotions are part of life. But we can have an inner joy, knowing the Source of our delight, that sustains us when life is tough.

If Jesus is the source of our joy, then that explains why we can sing, “Joy to the world, the Lord is come.” We can have joy because He came. And we don’t sing it in the past tense. He is come! He is with us here and now. That is definitely a reason to celebrate. Merry Christmas!

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Gratitude | Thankful for God Himself

Jessie Carter October 30, 2020

1 Chronicles 16:34, Psalm 107:1, Psalm 136:1, Psalm 118:1
Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; His love endures forever.

There are so many Bible verses about gratitude/thankfulness, in both the Old and New Testaments. In fact, many of them are almost exactly the same! 1 Chronicles 16:34, Psalm 107:1, Psalm 136:1, Psalm 118:1, and probably many others, all say to give thanks to the Lord because He is good and because His love endures forever. Amen!

The concerns of our hearts, whether personal, political, or anything else, can be overwhelming and weigh us down. They have for me lately, at least! I think that’s why God calls us to declare our gratitude, so we can refocus our attention on Him. Of course, I don’t think that we should ignore our concerns or the stress that they cause us. We can take these to Him, but with a heart willing to thank Him despite these burdens, and for any silver linings that they come with.

I love how these verses focus us on being thankful for Him specifically, for who He is and how great His love is. We can be thankful for the things in our lives, good news or hope that we see in the world, and many other things. But sometimes we can’t see these, or they just seem too small compared to our concerns, or we get focused on them instead of Him. I think that’s why it’s so important to be thankful for Him, as a foundation of our gratitude.

This morning, I was listening to this song from Everybody Duck in my car. I think it captures the gratefulness for God’s love that the Scriptures above declare. If you get a chance to listen to it, I hope it helps you as it did me to thank Him for who He is.

Lyrics: Great Affection by Everybody Duck

God of my awakening, I thank You for this day
And master of my breath, I thank You for the life to pray
Oh Jesus light behind my eyes, to you this praise I bring
And keeper of my heartbeat, to you rhythm now I sing

Cause I've been seized by the power of Your great affection
Taken captive by the size and scope of Your amazing love
I'm so incapacitated that You'd send it my direction
You fill me up with Your huge love like a hand inside a glove

Architect of joy, all happiness comes from Your hand
Shepherd of my mind, you take the time to help me understand
O Jesus, light behind my eyes, it was for this I was made
Great composer on my heartstrings, now Your masterpiece is played

Father thank you doesn't seem enough for sending Jesus
And Jesus, no word can suffice to thank You that you died
I praise You, Holy Spirit, for it's Your embrace that frees us
One yet three Your love for me the hope I hold inside, inside

I've been seized by the power of Your great affection
Overwhelmed and overcome by all the love You have to give
Saviour, Your bright shining love light warms my soul with it's reflection
You fill me up with Your huge love giving me the strength to live

About the Author

Miracles Welcome | Miracles Start in the Heart

Jessie Carter September 4, 2020

2 Chronicles 7:14
“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

Note: If you don’t have time to read this, skip down to the end and listen to the awesome song I posted a link to. It is very inspiring and encouraging.

In times of crisis, I hear this verse a lot (and boy, is our world in crisis now). People draw comfort from it. Sometimes they become zealous because of it, calling everyone to repentance of sin. This is not a bad thing. But I feel like sometimes the focus is not in the right place.

We, as Christians can tend to focus on the more overt sins of “others” - promiscuity, abuse, crime, whatever. Turn from your wicked ways, and our land will be healed. But we forget the first two commands in the verse.

First, we need to humble ourselves. OURSELVES. Not humble others. This involves a willingness to hear from God regarding what we ourselves need to repent of. The answer may be much less obvious things than the “big sins” we focus on.

It could be egotistical pride. Imagine what could be done in our states and countries if all the people, including leaders, worked together in humility! Or if we, including myself, would pray for our leaders instead of complaining about them or making fun of them?

It could be an insensitive attitude: “Why are they so upset? That’s not my fault.” (This is not a partisan statement; I think we’ve all been guilty of this.)

Maybe we need to repent of hopelessness or despair, which is in essence a lack of faith. Yeah, that’s the one that I’m struggling with the most lately. I know in my head that God is in control, but wow, it’s so hard to convince my heart of that sometimes.

That’s why I think the biggest miracles aren’t the obvious things we can see. Sure, the parting of the Red Sea or the feeding of thousands of people from a few fish and bread loaves and things like that are amazing, but I want to challenge us (yup, including me), to seek the unseen miracles. The miracles of the heart. First by humbling ourselves. And then by seeking His face.

This second step is just as abstract and seemingly elusive as the first one. But it is not as hard as we make it out to be. And it is crucial. Come to God with a humble heart, willing to listen. Ask Him where we need changes in our heart. We might not like what we hear. But it is for our best, for His glory, and evidently a necessary step for the wide-scale miracle of healing our land. And best of all, it brings us into a closer relationship with Him! Pour out your heart. The good, the bad, and the ugly. He can handle it. Changing your heart may take time. Hearing from Him may take time. That’s okay. Keep seeking Him. Keep pressing in. Keep an open heart, willing to listen.

And of course, we then need to act on what we hear. Turn our hearts to His ways, not our own. Repent of any “wickedness,” even if it’s not an action but a hardness of heart. Then, we will start to see miracles. Sure, we may not see a vaccine or cure for Covid-19 right away, or economic recovery from the damage done by it. We may not see full racial reconciliation in our community/country/world right away. But we will start to see small miracles in our own heart and in the hearts of those around us. And I believe that those small miracles have a cumulative effect.

We may need to come together as a church or a country in corporate repenting and lamenting our sins. In the Old Testament, the nation of Israel did this sometimes, and prophets and other leaders led and took part in a nationwide time of lamenting and repenting, even if the leaders hadn’t participated in the sin themselves. Ezra and Daniel are examples of this. I took part in the Be the Bridge book study here at CitySalt, and the author Latasha Morrison reminds us of this concept. It will definitely take humility and wisdom from God, which is why 2 Chronicles 7:14 starts out with those steps. It’s easy to say “I wasn’t part of that,” but if I have benefitted from it, I can still take part in the lamenting and repenting of it, and be a part of the miracle that God promises in the end of the verse. This is a polarizing concept in our country right now, and I don’t want to make anyone feel pressure for this regarding any specific issue we’re facing. I believe it will come about naturally if we are willing to come to God in humility and seek His wisdom by listening to the Holy Spirit, and acting on that.

I want to leave you with something that greatly encouraged my heart this week. At the Teen Challenge thrift store, I picked up a few used CDs, including a newer Kirk Franklin album. The second song is called, fittingly, “Miracles.” It’s about how we ourselves are God’s miracles. It inspired my thoughts for this post on how the biggest miracles are in our hearts. And it brought me hope and joy. Please take a few minutes to listen to it when you get a chance, because I think it may do the same for you.

Provided to YouTube by Sony Music Entertainment Miracles · Kirk Franklin / 柯克富蘭克林 Losing My Religion ℗ 2015 RCA Records a division on Sony Music Entertainmen...

Also, I found this article by John Piper to be helpful in understanding the miracle of God healing our hardness of heart so we can see Him more clearly: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/how-god-opens-the-eyes-of-the-heart

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Emotional Well-Being | Putting it into Practice

Jessie Carter July 3, 2020

“Jesus did not promise to change the circumstances around us. He promised great peace and pure joy to those who would learn to believe that God actually controls all things.” ~ Corrie ten Boom

That quote was in this week’s readings from an old daily devotional by one of my favorite heroes. How fitting for these times! Even if the state of this pandemic is better by the time this gets published, I’m sure the world’s circumstances will still be far from perfect. And even without pandemics, our lives are often difficult no matter how much we try to make them easier or drama-free.

I’ll be honest; I do ask Jesus to change this or that circumstance for me sometimes. I don’t think that’s wrong. He wants us to take our needs to Him. But we also need to trust Him to give us what we truly need, even when He doesn’t change our circumstances.

Philippians 4:6-7 RSV
“Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

Living this out is not easy, though. Once we’ve prayed about something and done our best to trust Him with the outcome of it, how do we train our minds and hearts to recognize and feel this promised peace and joy? Especially during difficult trials, like the one the whole world is facing right now?

I think that can look different for different people. For me, it looks like doing exercises to train my eyes to see gifts that He’s given me that help me with whatever I’m going through at the time. And to take the time to deal with the hard things and negative emotions so they don’t fester and make me cynical or depressed. For me, I’m writing daily gratitudes in a 2020 planner that a friend designed, and writing about my concerns in a journal. But I’m also doing some lists in a notebook that are helping me to process things more visually.

If you’re willing, you can join me for one of these exercises. Grab a pen and piece of paper (or a spot in your journal or even your computer), and make an old-fashioned T-chart of some sort. I’ll make one here, too, and fill it in with some examples from my life. On the left side, title it something like “Concerns” or “Difficult Things.” On the right side, title it something like “Things I’m Thankful For” (or more accurately for me during this pandemic: “Things helping me stay somewhat sane!”). Then, try to fill it in with at least three things in each column. You don’t have to think of things for the right side that answer or counterbalance the left side, but you could.

Things Weighing Me Down Lately

Isolation
Loss of freedom to travel
Worrying about the world (including my friends and family): division, disease and deaths, the economy, etc. Confession: I have been guilty during this pandemic of compulsively needing to check world news on my phone before I go to bed and again when I wake up, just to make sure the world isn’t completely falling apart.

Things I’m So, So Thankful For Right Now

My cat, neighbors, and technology that keep me from feeling too alone
The freedom to go for walks in my neighborhood (and my county now), and the fact that the area I live in is chock full of woodsy trails
My guitar so I can practice playing worship songs, which helps me refocus on Who is almighty, all-powerful, and loves me (Oh, and this sounds trivial next to that, but I’m also grateful for free online guitar lessons)

Now take your lists and talk to God about them. Really talk to Him about them. Tell Him how you feel about the things weighing you down. He loves you and wants to hear it. Then thank Him for the ways He’s blessed you.

Admittedly, doing this once will probably not change your life. It may change your perspective a little. It may not (I speak from experience). But doing this regularly, whether on paper or even just in your mind as you go for a walk, can add up over time. My hope is that you (and I) will gradually experience more and more peace and joy in our daily lives as we turn our concerns and our gratitudes over to Him.

Please feel free to leave comments with what creative ways you are employing to keep your mind and heart healthy these days. I would love to hear them!

Post note: I wrote this post last night. Before I went to bed, I read a devastating story about the plight of a Rohingya refugee woman. This morning I woke up to see the news that protests about race issues are exploding in U.S. cities. I had to take my own advice and journal and pray and ask God to heal this world, and to guide me. I feel helpless as I sit in my cozy little apartment in a relatively safe city while around the world there is reason to fear. So I hold fast to the verses from Philippians. Thank you, Lord, for my safety. Please heal my country and world of the divides that are causing devastation. Guide me to any way that I can help.

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Common Ground | Common Ground Breeds Compassion

Jessie Carter May 8, 2020

John 4:19-24 NIV
“Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.”

“Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe Me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you do not know; we worship what we do know; for salvation is from the Jews. Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and His worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.”

Wow, I had no idea how timely this topic would be when we planned it! Common ground has always been an important theme in life to me. It allows empathy and compassion and Godly love to happen, brings people together to achieve the best outcome for everyone, and allows for fellowship. As I write this, the world is struggling with the effects of Covid-19. There are some strong differences of opinion in how our city/county/state/country/world should be handling it right now, sometimes for good reasons. But we need common ground in order to remember what we're fighting for in the first place, so we can work together to lessen the consequences of the pandemic.

The other day, a friend I'd worked with in a conflict zone overseas posted about the similarities between living in that country and the situation we're all in now. A friend of hers (presumably here in the USA) made the comment “But this sort of thing shouldn't be happening here.” I quickly replied that no place in the world deserves what we’re going through. We’re all in it together. No country or people group is immune to disaster, or is more important than any other place. God makes it pretty clear in the Bible that He loves the entire world. That means we all have something in common. We’re all humans, created by God, loved by God, and God desires us all to come to Him.

In the book of John chapter 4, Jesus talks to a Samaritan woman. The Samaritans had common ancestry with the Jews, the ethnic group Jesus belonged to, but they had split over the years and had different customs and religious practices. The divide was so wide that Jews and Samaritans wouldn’t even talk to each other if they could help it (hence the impact of the story of “The Good Samaritan”). But instead of engaging in the argument that she posed about where people should worship God, Jesus found common ground with her. One day, true believers would worship in the Spirit and in truth, instead of the places where each of their respective ethnic groups gathered to worship. She couldn’t argue with that one, but winning a potential argument wasn’t even the point. Jesus provided a way for Jews and Samaritans to come together, and more personally, for this woman to have fellowship with Him.

What could happen if we focused on what we have in common with other people groups instead of our differences? I will let your imagination run wild with the possibilities of that. But I believe a lot of good would come of it. I’ve seen it happen in this country and in others. Finding common ground doesn’t mean not acknowledging our differences. Differences often exist for valid reasons. What it does mean is having compassion and empathy for each other, while acknowledging that our commonalities bring us together. At the very base level, we are all humans and as such, deserve respect.

Now there is a danger in focusing too much on common ground. I see the potential for us to feel that since we all have things in common, our experiences, and the differences they make in our lives don’t matter. But this is far from the truth. It would be damaging to think that just because we’re all equal in value and we all have things in common, that we all have equal needs. Unfortunately, people who have been oppressed in their current lives or histories, or live in poverty or war, often have more needs or have unequal access to fulfilling them. Not acknowledging that and just living with rose-colored glasses is denial, and doesn’t seem like acting in love to me. For me right now, this means being grateful for the prosperity that I live in (yes, I’m stuck in isolation, but I have a cozy little apartment to be stuck in and a cat to keep me company), and praying for (and even maybe donating to) people groups who will face Covid-19 with much greater need, such as people in poverty here or in other countries, refugees, and others.

But the remedy for this is the same as the goal for finding common ground: love, compassion, empathy, and working together. If we keep those things in focus, we can do much good in drawing people together and even drawing them closer to God.

I want to leave you with something a little different and a little fun, as a way of demonstrating our current basis for common ground, and bringing us together with laughter. My fellow nerds will already know that the Star Wars villain Emperor Palpatine is not a sympathetic character. Yet this cute little video helps us understand what we’re going through a bit. We can empathize with him and with the rest of the humans on this planet because we’re all in this together, and we can beat this pandemic by working together (separately as much as possible, of course!). I realize that by the time you read this, the social isolation may be over, but I think it’s still relevant to my theme. You’ll understand the inside jokes a lot more of course if you’ve seen other HISHE/How It Should Have Ended videos, especially the other Villain Pub ones, but you’ve probably seen at least a few of the movies referenced in it so I think you’ll still get it. Enjoy!

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Love Purified | His Love Beckons Me

Jessie Carter March 6, 2020

Luke 5: 8-11 (NIV)
When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners. Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.” So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything, and followed Him.

There are a million reasons why I am a follower of Jesus. But if I could sum them up into one, it would be His beautiful, unbelievable, infinite, unconditional, and precious love. When I read the passage about Jesus calling Simon (Peter) to be His disciple (Luke 5:1-11), I think of my own story.

It starts when I was young, just having finished eighth grade in 1991. I had known God and Jesus in my childhood before then, thanks to my parents and Sunday School. I knew He was good, and that He loved me, and that I liked Him a lot. But that summer, I went with my high school youth group to our version of summer camp, which meant staying in cabins at a Bible school on a small island in British Columbia. Our speaker for the week was one of the teachers at the school. As he spoke one evening, I finally understood what it meant that we humans, in our brokenness and sin, needed the forgiveness of Jesus to be restored in relationship to God. How could He (God and Jesus, because they are One; see our last blog series) forgive us? Because of His amazing love.

I knew that there was something special, even kind of magical, about this love. It could reach my hard heart, which even at that young age had hurt others. In fact, the things I most regret doing in my life had been done by then. His grace was the only thing that could take away my shame. I knew I didn’t deserve it… I didn’t deserve to be in His presence at all. I could have said “Get away from me, Lord! I am a sinful girl!” after recognizing His great love and power, like Peter did after seeing the miracle of a gazillion fish in his nets. I cried buckets for the wrong I’d done and the deep divide it caused between me and this loving God.

But because He loves us (and likes us!) so much, He wants to be with us. Like He did for Peter, Jesus calls us to follow Him. Not at a distance. With Him. With nothing to fear. That night in Canada, I responded by dedicating my life to God. I was baptized in the freezing cold ocean water the next night and was grateful for His grace. But my story didn’t stop there.

Even if we are “saved” as soon as we let Him forgive us and begin to follow Him, the Bible says we are to “work out our salvation.” For me, this meant a multi-year long journey of working out this forgiveness. There were stages to this: obviously accepting His forgiveness, seeking to make amends to people I’ve hurt, and even forgiving myself (with His help). I’m still on this journey, because it’s an ongoing thing. But it has slowly matured me and deepened my love relationship with God. I know I have a long way to go, but I am grateful for His work in me!

The result of forgiveness is being able to accept and embrace His love and desire for a relationship with us. He has pursued me even though I don’t deserve it, just like Peter felt. And like with Peter, He reminds me to not be afraid, because He has purpose for me.

God has used many people in my life to teach me this. Of course this includes faithful friends and family who have shown me steadfast love and grace, despite my weaknesses and shortcomings. My closest girlfriends, counselors, and mentors I’ve had over the course of my life are great examples. But strangers and new friends have also taught me much about God’s love. Ten years ago, I was in the midst of separation with my husband. I started going to a new church, and due to budget cuts in my district, began working at a new school. All I could do at church was cry during worship. Each week, the pastor’s wife came beside me and prayed over me. She didn’t know me from Adam. But she accepted me anyway and loved on me. My new boss, the principal at my new school, also showed me this immediate compassion, and let me cry in her office when I needed to. Both of these women showed me what it meant to love people in the midst of their need, even if we don’t know them.

A few years ago, I went with my old writing group friends from Salem to a faith-based fantasy and sci-fi writers conference in Reno. The keynote speaker was author Ted Dekker. I’d read a couple of his books, but he wasn’t my favorite writer or anything. His messages, however, pierced my heart. Everything he said pointed back to God’s love. For everyone. Every single person. So. Much. Love. And how our lives have meaning and purpose and we’re all worth it. We’re worth everything that Jesus went through. Even though the conference room was filled with people, I think every one of us felt like Jesus had sent little messages of love to each one of us through Ted. Every night I cried. I’ve only met a few people so full of Jesus, and yet he was still himself, the unique person God made him to be.

On the last night of the conference, he was doing book signings. I waited in line with my friend Diana, but didn’t currently own any of his books to have him sign. Instead, when I got to him, all I could do was thank him for his messages and blubber about how much they meant. He asked if he could hug me, and I nodded yes. This is not normal for me. I am not a touchy-feely person. Especially with a man I’ve never personally met. But somehow, God healed something in me through Ted. I don’t even know exactly what it was. But it filled me with an assurance of who and Whose I am, a deeper ability to love others, and the courage to do the creative work He has for me. Because nothing motivates quite like love.

Like Peter, I want to be with the One who loves me for me. Not because of what I’ve done or what I could do. But because of who He is. And He is love (1 John 4:16).

Recommended Reading:
If you want to know more about having a deep, healthy relationship with God, I highly recommend the book With: Reimagining the Way We Relate to God by Skye Jethani. My counselor Evan had me read it several years ago, and it changed how I see God and my relationship with Him, and brought me much closer to Him than I’d ever been.

About the Author

Oneness | Coming Together to Be Something

Jessie Carter January 10, 2020

Disclaimer: I had to research and reflect and check myself a lot for this topic because I really didn’t know much about it, and have strong feelings about what little I did know, so please bear with me. I’m about to throw a lot of Scripture references at you because I read as many as I could in order to get a better picture of what oneness looks like. Any Bible verses I write are in NIV translation.

The Bible shows the importance of unity in God’s people in both the Old and New Testaments.

Psalm 133:1
How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity.

2 Timothy 2:23
Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.

Matthew 12:25 is a response by Jesus to refute the idea that he was doing the devil’s work, but I think His words show the need for unity as well:
“...Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.”

Matthew 5:9
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”

Now I don’t think that these verses mean that we have to passively agree with everything that every Christian does. There are times to stand up for what is right when a person or group of believers is in the wrong. But there are also times to focus more on what we have in common, what is important in our faith, than being divided over small differences. There is a lot that can be done when we work together. And even more so, God’s love and power to change lives and the world is at its fullest when we come together in not just unity but in oneness.

With careful study of scripture, we can see that there is a distinction between the concept of unity versus oneness.

Ephesians 4:2-6, we see both mentioned:
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all in all.

With further digging into the difference between unity and oneness, I came across the idea that unity is the coming together of different people to do something, while oneness is the coming together of people to be something.*

1 Corinthians 12:12-13 shows us a picture of coming together to be, as we all have different purposes and gifts but we can still act with one spirit:
Just as a body, though one, has many parts [like a hand or foot or eye], but all its parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body…

Acts 4:32-35 shows a practical example, one that I struggle with.
All the believers were one in heart and mind… No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had.

When I was teaching overseas at my second school, the foreign staff was made up of believers, most of who lived on a compound together. We did each have our own space (our own bedroom with stuff we brought or bought). But there was a strong spirit of unity and even a bit of oneness there. We were there for the same reasons, and prayed together a lot. We shared almost all our meals and free time together. We also shared many of our belongings, not really worrying about what was “ours.” And we had different talents and skills and personalities that came together to function as one body and have an effect on our little world there. That time in my life is very precious to me. Even times of great stress and fear due to living in a conflict zone were sweet times that we came together in one heart and mind. We grieved together and celebrated together and loved each other deeply, despite our differences.

My hope is that the church everywhere gets to experience this unity and oneness. Where we are of one heart and mind and body, as God the Father, Son, and Spirit are. And where we are one with God as well.

*http://richardfbolaji.blogspot.com/2016/12/the-difference-between-unity-and-oneness_59.html

About the Author

The Advent of Revolution | Royalty and Hope

Jessie Carter November 15, 2019

Matthew 1:21
“She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

When I was a kid, the advent season meant two things to me: candles and chocolate. The candles were at church, and we lit one for each Sunday leading up to Christmas. Each had a different spiritual meaning about the coming of Christ. At home, my brother and I each got a paper calendar with 25 little windows to open, and each one hid a small piece of chocolate behind it. Each piece of chocolate meant we were one day closer to International Day of Presents. I mean Christmas. Yeah, as a kid I was probably more excited about presents than the fact that Jesus came to Earth to save the world, but at least I learned the concept of hope and expectant waiting from it!

I found out on the internet that traditionally the advent season was represented by two colors: purple, which symbolized royalty, and blue, which symbolized hope. This made me think of Lord of the Rings. Hear me out, if you have time (this one’s a long one, and yes, I know; I’m nerdy!).

In the story, Aragorn was the heir to the throne of Gondor, the strongest kingdom in the mythical world of Middle Earth. He had spent his very long life in a faraway land, in the very not-royal profession of ranger. Middle Earth was in grave danger of being overrun by the Dark Lord Sauron, and the people held out hope that the missing heir of Isildur, whoever he was, could defeat him. When he finally goes to Gondor, he doesn’t claim his throne by subduing the people or expecting them to revere him just because of his birthright. Instead, he risks his life to protect the ringbearer (a hobbit, not exactly an impressive person in Middle Earth peoples’ eyes) and to save the people. His coming united them and brought them hope that evil would be vanquished so all the people of Middle Earth, not just the citizens of Gondor, could live in peace. Because of this, all the peoples (including humans, elves, dwarves, and of course, hobbits!) recognized his lordship, and rejoicing, crowned him king of the land. And they lived in peace after that. Well, at least they did after the hobbits returned to the Shire and defeated Saruman, but that’s a topic for another day.

I’ve never really thought of Lord of the Rings as a Christmas story before, but let’s reflect on the parallels. Jesus was (and is!) the Son of God, having lived in the spiritual realm forever, and then was born on earth, grew up in Nazareth, far from the royal city of Jerusalem. He was a carpenter, which was a respectable occupation, but not one a prince would normally have. This being said, His earthly parents were well aware of His destiny: “She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus [which means ‘The Lord Saves’], because he will save his people from their sins.” When He finally started His public ministry, He didn’t do so by declaring Himself the Messiah the Jewish people had been waiting for (according to the prophecies in the Old Testament) and taking his throne by force like they expected. Instead, He went around the land teaching and healing everyday people, even the “lowliest” of them, showing them compassion and love and validating their worth. He preached a message of hope so people would change their hearts in expectation of the true kingdom “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near” (Matthew 4:17). He acted as an example of a servant leader, washing the feet of His disciples. Then He not only risked His life; He sacrificed it so anyone can be saved! And He rose from the dead, showing that death had been conquered! (Yeah, Christmas doesn’t really mean much without Easter.) His coming brought hope and peace, not just for the people of Israel, but for the whole world. And this hope changed lives. People’s hearts were changed, filled with love and peace. The kingdom of heaven gained new citizens every day. What a revolutionary leader! Definitely not the typical royal coming to power.

The best news is, this is still happening! Advent represents commemorating the coming of Christ to Earth the first time, as well as the hope in His coming again to save the world completely. But it also represents the coming of His light and love into our hearts anytime we will it. The idea of “Peace on Earth” is difficult to believe sometimes, especially when we look at the news around the world. But if we place Jesus on the throne of our own lives, allow His loving sacrifice to vanquish death inside our hearts, and look to Him for hope, He will cause a revolution that brings peace to our hearts. This hope is offered to all: people of every gender, ethnicity, ability, and race (even hobbits! Okay, they’re not real, but if they were, I’m quite sure that the kingdom of heaven would include them, too).

So the next time you see the colors purple and blue together, or read/watch The Lord of the Rings story, think of royalty and hope. Jesus, the Soon and Coming King, brings the hope of Heaven to our hearts. Amen!

P.S. I believe that Tolkien wrote his character of Aragorn as a loosely-based symbol of Christ, kind of like the semi-allegorical Aslan in C.S. Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia. (Yes, the two authors were friends, and yes, Tolkien was a Christian, a devout member of the Catholic church). Lest anyone think I’m brilliant in making this parallel, I was definitely influenced in my thinking of him this way thanks to a book I read many years ago, Finding God in the Lord of the Rings by Kurt Bruner and Jim Ware. Feel free to check it out. It’s been years, so I did not necessarily draw the same parallels as the authors did, but the main idea is inspired by them.

About the Author

Jessie is an educator, she currently teaches teens and has taught overseas. She is also a novice writer, with several books in various stages and a (long-neglected) blog about the journeys of women. She is very excited to join the CitySalt blog team. She has been blessed by a few communities of Christian writers that have encouraged her dream. She lives with her trusty sidekick cat, Arwen in the foothills of South Eugene, where she can go hiking within minutes of the sun coming out from behind the clouds.

Salt and Light | Unity, Love, and Compassion

Jessie Carter September 13, 2019

John 13:34-35
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

This is one of the toughest CitySalt blog post themes for me to write about. How on earth does an imperfect human spread God’s light and salt-flavoring to the world around us? For me at least, this is an intimidating idea. Certainly we’ve all seen people try to shine the light, and then fail miserably (think public figures proclaiming Christ and then getting caught in a scandal, or ourselves, as we wrestle with shame from our own mistakes and hurt those around us). So what is the answer? I think this song that I grew up singing in church, written and recorded by an American Catholic priest in the 1960s, says it all: unity, love, and compassion. And we can’t have or give those out of our own strength and abilities, at least not sustainably. I believe that if we live filled with God’s light and love, humble ourselves so we can walk in unity with people different from us, and confess and repent when we do make mistakes; we can fulfill this beautiful vision and see His healing power and light in our land. Amen (so be it)!

They’ll Know We Are Christians by Fr. Peter Sholtes
We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord
And we pray that our unity will one day be restored

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
Yes, they’ll know we are Christians by our love

We will walk with each other; we will walk hand in hand
We will walk with each other; we will walk hand in hand
And together we’ll spread the news that God is in our land

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
Yes, they’ll know we are Christians by our love

We will work with each other, we will work side by side
We will work with each other, we will work side by side
And we’ll guard each man’s dignity and save each man’s pride

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
Yeah, they’ll know we are Christians by our love

All praise to the Father from whom all things come
And all praise to Christ Jesus His only Son
And all praise to the Spirit who makes us one

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love, by our love
Yeah, they’ll know we are Christians by our love

Listen to the original version sung by the songwriter’s parish on Youtube:

About the Author

Jessie is an educator, currently in the role of academic advisor at a charter school after teaching there and overseas. She is also a novice writer, with several books in various stages and a (long-neglected) blog about the journeys of women. She is very excited to join the CitySalt blog team. She has been blessed by a few communities of Christian writers that have encouraged her dream. She lives with her trusty sidekick cat, Arwen in the foothills of South Eugene, where she can go hiking within minutes of the sun coming out from behind the clouds.

Adventuring with God | It’s Who You Meet

Jessie Carter July 19, 2019

Ephesians 1:15-16
“For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.”

“It’s not where you go. It’s who you meet along the way.” This quote is on a piece of Wizard of Oz-inspired art I acquired (we teachers have ways of acquiring such random things), and as far as I can tell from the internet, it seems to have been said by the Tin Woodman. For a character whose goal is to acquire a heart, this shows how much of a heart he already has...and wisdom, too.

My whole life has been about adventuring with God. From my childhood, I wanted to travel the world, doing His work wherever He took me. I hoped my life would be an epic journey, like the stories featuring heroes of the faith and other literature I grew up on. On this journey, I would have adventures near and far, see amazing sights, and soak up cultures around me.

I have been incredibly blessed in this way, it’s true. But I’ve learned something: it’s the people I meet along the way, or who journey with me, who make the difference. They not only give me a piece of themselves, they help me know myself better. And best yet; they help me know God more.

Just as Frodo had Sam in the Lord of the Rings books, and Paul had Barnabas (and others) in the Book of Acts, we need each other in this great adventure of life. Barnabas’ name literally means “encourager.” He certainly did this, walking alongside Paul as they traveled to share the Good News. I’ve been blessed with close friends in this way, from peers to coworkers overseas and others who have walked with me during difficult times and adventures. Other times, God has been my only companion. Those have been precious times, too, as I’ve gotten to know Him (and myself) better. And there have been the people I’ve met in this adventure of life, who have encouraged me and made me a better person. There are too many to recount them, but I’ll share one with you that is on my heart right now.

I was home in the States for the summer between my two school years teaching in a country in South/Central Asia. I had sent a message to the director of the summer camp I had worked at as a young adult. There, my camp nickname was Jungle, because I wanted to serve God in Latin America (much of which has tropical rainforest). In my message, I said I had time to help out at camp in any way I could. The director wrote me back, inviting me to join them on Lake Day during high school camp, where the staff and kids would hang out at a lake and he could spend some time catching up with me. But he didn’t stop there. He invited a young camp staff member to join us. Her camp name was Adventure. It fit her well! The silly fun camp person in him was excited— “Let me take a photo of this moment in history when Jungle meets Adventure!” But that wasn’t the main reason he introduced us.

Adventure (I won’t use her real name here for reasons that will become clear) had it on her heart to go someday to Central Asia and help people there. The director brought us together so I could share with her my experiences there and encourage her. I greatly enjoyed this. We became Facebook friends, and I kept up with her a little here and there. A few years later, tragedy hit. Her brother was in a car accident, and eventually died. It was heartbreaking. But Adventure didn’t let her heart grow cold because of it. She kept herself open, sharing her heartbreak with others so they could support her, and sharing it with God so he could heal her and keep her heart tender toward others. I learned a lot from watching her go through this tragedy. I’d like to say as an older person that I mentored her or encouraged her somehow, but really it was me who was blessed by this. Since then, I’ve gotten to meet up with her for coffee, and hear her heart to encourage others and share hope with them.

As I write this, she is on her way to the country that has been on her heart in Central Asia. She is taking with her a small team of a couple close friends, and they have plans to share hope and encouragement with people there. They may have landed by now, after a layover in Europe. I am on her prayer team. By the time you read this, she will probably be back in the States. But I hope you will join me in praying for her presence to impact the people there long after she is gone. It certainly has impacted mine.

Ephesians 1:15-16 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.”

May we remember to thank God for all the people He’s put in our path, and pray for them, wherever they are at in their faith journey. Many thanks to the faithful friends and relatives who have been praying for me and my journey, and to God, who has led me on an amazing adventure.

About the Author

Perpetual Creativity | To Infinity and Beyond

Jessie Carter May 24, 2019

The creativity of God amazes me whenever I stop to think about it. He has fashioned beautiful vistas of every kind, a never-ending supply of fascinating animals and plants, and of course humans of all shapes and sizes. But when I think about how uniquely He made me, sometimes I get frustrated. Why am I such a complicated creature? Why can’t I fit neatly into all those personality profiles? Meyers-Briggs, DISC, the Enneagram: I’m always split down the middle between a couple of their profiles, which makes me feel like a complicated person. (Whoever invented the term “ambivert” is one of my favorite people!)

But what if it’s not because I’m “complicated” but because God made me just a little extra different in this way? And even for those who do fit perfectly into a specific profile, there are infinite ways that it gets fleshed out in each person. One ENFJ, or whatever, is totally different than another ENFJ in many ways, even if they have similarities in their personality. Each person on this planet is unique and special. And that’s pretty amazing.

As a “wanna-be” fiction writer, I have taken on the daunting task of creating characters. It is one of the most difficult tasks of writing fiction, in my opinion. There is so much to consider, for each and every person in a story. Personality profiles, physical features, past experiences, learning styles, Multiple Intelligences, cultural impacts, birth order, inner conflict… I get exhausted just thinking about it, and I have to fight defaulting to 2-dimensional stock characters. How is it that God doesn’t get exhausted in His creation? No two snowflakes the same, knowing the number of the stars in the sky and the hairs on our heads, we were knit together in our mother’s womb, and all of the other many examples we find in the Psalms (okay, the Psalms might not mention snowflakes, but I’ll forgive the authors- they didn’t know what they were missing!); how is this possible?

I think it’s a combination of His infinite-ness, His love to create and attention to detail, and His love of each of us as individuals in addition to all of humanity. His infinity is shown in both nature (the aforementioned snowflakes, etc.) and even in math. You don’t believe me about math? Many years ago, my brother introduced me to the concept of fractals. According to The Fractal Foundation (yes, evidently fractals are cool enough to get their own foundation), “A fractal is a never-ending pattern. Fractals are infinitely complex patterns that are self-similar across different scales.” They exist in nature in things like snowflakes, seashells, and others. Check out this link or research it yourself if you’re not familiar with fractals. I’m not very philosophical, but the fact that this concept exists brings out the sense of wonder in me and my awe of God.

My mentor lent me a book about getting over artist’s block, called The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, by Julia Cameron. It wasn’t written for Christians specifically, but it does base itself on the premise that God is the ultimate Creator--in every way. In it, I discovered that God loves it when we exercise the creativity He instilled in us, because it honors His own nature of creativity. I’d never thought of it that way. I get easily hung up on thoughts like “Why should I create things? I’m not really very original or creative, so I should just just let the real artists do what their natural talent does.” But from what I got out of that book, enjoying and using the little bit of creativity in me is actually an act of worship to Him. Wow! That humbled me out of the self-deprecation of my artist-ness. And when you think about it, His act of creating us to have our own creativity is a fractal. God is the main original shape, but in His creation, he multiplies His creativity by instilling a bit of it in each of us. We then create things, which inspires others to create, and the pattern multiplies exponentially, even if not quite symmetrically like in a true fractal.

Mind blown yet? It’s okay if not. I invite you to contemplate His creativity and infinity for yourself. Take music, for example. How many songs are made from the same combinations of notes or chords, just rearranged a little? We never seem to run out of possibilities for beautiful or interesting songs. Or the fact that no matter how many beautiful mountain vistas I see, a new one still takes my breath away. Why? It’s just a different combination of angles of rock, right? But it’s still new and beautiful, every time.

What are the things in life/nature/any other creation of God’s that cause you to wonder in awe at His creativity? How do these things remind you that you are a special creation of the Master Artist, and loved just as you are?

About the Author

Beauty From Suffering | The Dark Night of the Soul

Jessie Carter March 22, 2019

Just before Christmas break, I was talking to one of my closest friends about reading material. I was feeling a bit spiritually dry, and hoping for something to read that would refresh me and help me engage with God more deeply. Then I noticed on my bookshelf a book I’d bought but hadn’t read yet, I Loved Jesus in the Night: Teresa of Calcutta--A Secret Revealed by Paul Murray.

I’ve always looked up to the woman we call Mother Teresa. Of course, so does the rest of the world. But I like her especially because she is such an amazing example of loving people unconditionally and loving God deeply. She must have been especially close to God, right?

This book, written by a priest who knew her well, shows a side of her that we don’t usually hear about. She wrestled for long periods of time where she didn’t feel God’s presence or hear Him speaking to her in any way, despite drawing others closer to Him. Her faith sustained her, knowing in her heart that Jesus loved her intimately. But she couldn’t feel it and often wondered if she was even doing what God wanted her to be doing. The author notes that she experienced what is sometimes called “The Dark Night of the Soul” based on the writings of Spanish mystic St. John of the Cross. I’m still seeking to understand this concept, but from what I can tell, the “dark night” is a period of suffering that isn’t related to any particular event or circumstances, but is a spiritual crisis in someone’s journey of faith.

I’ll let you read the book to find out how Mother Teresa’s “dark night” experience unfolds, but I will say that reading it was both challenging and encouraging. Challenging because in the theology I am used to, God is always speaking to us and affirming us. But that doesn’t seem to always be true, even in the lives of people so deeply in love with him. So it is scary to think that even Mother Teresa could experience this struggle. But it’s also encouraging. As it says in Romans 5:3, “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” And we get to know Jesus better-- Philippians 3:10: “I want to know Christ-- yes, to know the power of His resurrection and participation in His sufferings.” As Mother Teresa persevered in faith even in periods of not feeling His presence, she continued to bless others and bring them closer to Him. She continued to pray, trusting that He was near. That she went through this is also encouraging to me, because it makes her more human. More real. More like you and me. She wasn’t just the “super-saint” that we make her out to be. And if she can wrestle with this darkness and prevail by the power of her faith in God, so can we.

Sue Monk Kidd, the author of The Secret Life of Bees, writes about a similar personal journey in her book When the Heart Waits. My counselor made me read it several years ago. Reflecting on this topic, I picked it up today, and opened to a section about darkness. She has this to say about the darkness that is difficult to bear but is a positive part of our spiritual journey:

“In the Bible darkness is often used as a metaphor for sin or a lack of God’s presence. There are, however, references to darkness as a place where God dwells. ‘The Lord has set the sun in the heavens, but has said that he would dwell in thick darkness’ (1 Kings 8:12). ‘He made darkness his covering around him’ (Ps. 18:11)

God is in the dark. Traditionally this imagery suggests the ultimate unknowability of God. But when I read it from within the dark layers of my cocoon, I perceived a meaning quite different. The verses filled me with an affirmation that God enters the thick darkness of every creature. A voice said to me, “God suffers with you. God weeps with you. God lives your darkness. This is the recognition that turns our darkness into a shining thing.”

Father Murray acknowledges that most people don’t undergo this kind of suffering as intensely as Mother Teresa did. I don’t know why she had to bear it. But I do believe that everyone experiences suffering at some time in their lives, if they live very long at all. It can take many different forms and come from different origins. Sometimes it’s of our own making, the consequences of our choices. Other times it is at the hands of other people, or disease, accidents, or the breaking of relationship with someone. It can take the form of grief, depression, confusion, fear, or other difficult experiences. No matter the origin or form, it is painful. Sometimes crushingly so. But I believe it can also draw us closer to God, if we face it instead of running from it.

This is baffling to the world, but beautiful to those of us who have experienced His love in the midst of our suffering. Don’t fear the darkness. He is there in it , with you.

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The “Aha” Moment! | Revelation

Jessie Carter February 1, 2019

Revelation. That’s one of those scary words that I usually leave to the theologians and my friends that went to seminary. What would I know about revelation? But as I reflected on it in recent weeks, many thoughts came to me. And I realized that revelation comes in many different ways, usually when we’re not expecting it. And sometimes we don’t even recognize it for what it is. When we do, we experience a blessing that can’t be explained.

Sometimes that “Aha!” moment will come to me through other people. Someone will interpret a truth of God in a fresh way that I’d never thought of before, in a lecture, book, song, sermon, or even a Facebook post. I’ll hear it and think, “Hey, that makes sense to me now!” or “I’d never thought of it that way before!” and I’m grateful for the fresh or deeper understanding of something I’d wrestled with or only scratched the surface of.

Usually for me, it comes from reading something again, but understanding it a new way due to my own more recent experiences. This has happened for me a lot when reading my Bible. Depending on what I had recently gone through or am experiencing at the time, a certain verse or passage will just mean so much more to me than it ever had before. The Psalms have had this effect on me many times. Once in our twenties, my stepsister and I had gotten sucked into a class action suit and were being countersued by a bank we had both previously worked for. We would call each other and cry on the phone because we were so scared. But then I would read the Psalms, where David wrestles with many different kinds of giants in his life, and remembers that God is on his side. These verses meant so much more to me because of what I was experiencing.

Occasionally, the “Aha” moment will just be remembering something simple but profound that I’d buried in my mind and not taken to heart for a while. I recently had this experience. Work itself had been fine that day, but the workplace environment had been discouraging. When I finally realized consciously that I was discouraged, suddenly I remembered that God exists. That was it. God exists. Immediately my heart lifted. I was surprised at the instant effect. I’ve always believed that God existed, so why did it strike me in such a way just then? Instant revelation from His heart to mine. He didn’t shame me for forgetting Him, but reminded me that since He exists, it also means He’s good, He’s in control, and everything else that I believe is true about Him. All of that came to me in an instant, and flooded me with relief.

Matthew 16:17
Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in Heaven.”

Sometimes it feels like He’s silent. But I believe (based on my experiences) that if we are waiting patiently to hear from Him, spending time with Him in whatever way we know how to, then when our hearts are ready, we’ll hear what we need to know. We’ll understand truth in a fresh way. And we will be blessed by that moment, however dramatic or simple it is.

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Tension | Walk the Line

Jessie Carter October 18, 2018

The concept of tension is one of those things we know we must live with, but we don’t usually like it. Why? It’s uncomfortable. Why do we have to live with it? Because this is an imperfect world, filled with imperfect people.

Think for a moment of all the ways we feel or encounter tension in our lives, or even in just one day. We come into conflict with people whose behaviors or beliefs are different than ours. We have conflicting ideologies even within ourselves, which could be political, theological, or any other value or belief system.

I walk in this tension all the time, being conservative on some issues and liberal on others. Being a Christian around non-Christian friends and family. Having a different definition or demonstration of patriotism to my nationality than some of my coworkers do.

Then there’s the moral conflict within all of us. We struggle with the desire to do what is right, while also wanting to do what is wrong or not good for us or others. Like the apostle Paul says, “I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate.” (Romans 7:15, NLT).

And of course, one of the most difficult paradoxes in Christianity to live out: “Be in the world and not of it.” This last one is actually not direct scripture, but is rooted in some verses like John 15:19, John 17:14-19, 1 John 2:15, Romans 12:2, and others. For some interesting articles on this subject, check out https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/lets-revise-the-popular-phrase-in-but-not-of and http://coldcasechristianity.com/2017/christian-worldview-what-does-it-mean-to-be-in-the-world-but-not-of-the-world/.

Living as citizens of Heaven while in this beautiful mess of a world that God loves and has us in right now is hard. We know that He doesn’t love the hurtful things that people do and experience. But we also know that He loves all the people in it passionately, as well as all the beautiful things He’s made in His great creativity. So how do we live in this tension?

We live in tension by walking with God. We can’t do it in our own power. Ask any counselor or trauma therapist, or person who has lived in a war zone. It’s exhausting and potentially harmful to live in a constant state of tension. But He offers us all that we need in order to do just that. He shares our burdens and gives us rest in Him. He gives us wisdom, endurance, and peace.

And best of all: He gives us His love.
Love to fill our own needs and desires.
Love to share with others.
Love to forgive ourselves and others when we mess up or have conflict.

We won’t all agree this side of Heaven. We will feel out of place in this world that wants things other than God’s will. But someday, those who love Him will feel right at home, in the country of our true citizenship, worshipping Him together forever. Completely at peace with ourselves and each other and the world we’ll be living in. Amen! (And just in case you don’t know, this expression literally means “So be it!”)

And in the meantime, we can remember that even though tension is hard, it is a good thing. It keeps us alert and focused on Jesus.

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Forgiveness | The Miracle of Forgiveness

Jessie Carter August 17, 2018

Forgiveness is probably one of the most difficult yet important themes in our lives and world. We all know that we need it and need to offer it, but it is so hard to actually give it.

Many of us have heard that forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning what someone did to us, saying “That’s okay,” when it really wasn’t. We’ve heard sermons or other messages explaining that forgiveness is the act of letting go of the “right” or need to keep punishing the offender in our hearts. (Justice is a separate issue that I won’t be addressing here; I’ll be focusing on the relationships or heart matters.) We know that if we don’t offer it, we’ll be eaten up with bitterness on the inside. Even Don Henley acknowledges this in his ‘80s pop song “The Heart of the Matter”:

If you keep carrying that anger, it’ll eat you up inside, baby…
I’ve been trying to get down to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me

But is this all there is to it? Just a simple letting go, and suddenly our hearts are healed? Is it only for our own sake? I think there’s more to it than this.

First of all, it is not so simple. Sometimes it is: a misunderstanding gets explained, an apology soothes the hurt feelings, and reconciliation is swift and sweet. But other times, a wound runs too deep to be able to forgive quickly. It takes time and wise counsel, even professional counseling or therapy. And for many of us, these take more than we have in us to forgive at all.

This is when we cross into the realm of miracles. Yes, I believe in them. And I believe the greatest miracles of all are the ones where God’s power heals the hurt in us so we can forgive, and that power then touches the person who has been forgiven, and His glory is known. These are the stories that change the world.

A person very close to me challenged me last year to show proof of a couple things. One was miracles themselves. He wanted video proof. And the other was proof that love is more than just a chemical reaction to people. He informed me of Oxytocin, a chemical in our brain that causes us to feel feelings of love toward people.

I reflected on miracles and researched Oxytocin. As far as I can tell, it only accounts for love toward people that we want to love, like family, friends, and people we are romantically attached to. It doesn’t account for love toward strangers, like Mother Teresa helping lepers in India. Of course, that can be explained scientifically by the positive feelings we get from helping others.

But love for our enemies? I found no scientific explanation that can account for that. As far as I can tell, only God’s powerful love in us can cause us to pray for, forgive, and show love to our enemies. Corrie ten Boom writes in multiple books of hers how men who had been cruel guards to her in the Nazi concentration camps later went to hear her speak. They begged her for forgiveness. She momentarily had to fight her human nature of anger, and then God’s grace always won out, and she freely forgave them, causing them to weep. I’m sure that their lives, and anyone who witnessed this, were changed forever.

I know of a personal example of this, of a man in a country that is not open to the Good News seeing two Christian men reconcile with forgiveness after a deep wound between them. To protect him, I can’t say more specifically in this public post, but his life was changed dramatically after he saw this.

But I will offer the video below instead. This is the greatest (believable!) video evidence I can find of the power of God causing a miracle. I know it is a miracle because I don’t know a single person who has it in themselves to forgive this.

Now it is up to us. Who do you still need to forgive? It may be a long process, and you are only able to get a little closer to full forgiveness. Me, I’m still working on one. I keep thinking I’ve forgiven this person over the years, but it caused lasting damage, and he is a person that is not healthy for me to get in contact with to talk and get closure. So I’ll keep chipping away at it. Praying for healing, for wisdom, and for the power to forgive completely. Because I can’t do it on my own. And maybe, in time, it will be right for me to talk to this person and offer the healing that forgiveness does.

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Interruptible | Adventures with God

Jessie Carter June 15, 2018

Have you ever been on a road trip with specific destinations in mind, only to discover some other adventure along the way? Perhaps you see a sign for a place that sounds interesting, or there is road construction, so you take a different route, leading you to new places to explore, interesting people to meet, or a situation where your help is needed and you’re so glad you came along. But what if you refuse to take the alternate route? You’re on a schedule, or comfortable in your air conditioning. You miss out.

We do this all the time in our journey with God. We get comfortable, or are on a tight schedule already, and think we don’t need to be interrupted by a divine appointment of any kind.

But God doesn’t do anything without a purpose. When He interrupts us, there’s a reason. It could be an opportunity to share His love/grace/good news/encouragement with someone that needs it, if we could just stretch ourselves out of our comfort zone. It could be a trial that we really don’t want to face, but is necessary for our growth or His glory. It could be that we’re on the wrong path, being led into temptation or addiction or something else that could wreak havoc in our lives, and He corrects us so we’ll get back on the right road. Sometimes it’s nothing this dramatic, but just a concept or issue in our life that He brings to the forefront for us to deal with before it becomes a devastating issue.

God has interrupted me with all of these and more. Funny thing, after I’d been given the theme of “interruptible” to write about, I came across a book about it without even trying. I was looking up Priscilla Shirer books on Amazon, because I like her Bible studies and recently discovered that she has YA fantasy novels. And saw that she had a book called Life Interrupted: Navigating the Unexpected. So I picked it up at the library the next morning.

The book follows the Bible story of Jonah, and how God interrupted his comfortable life with a calling he didn’t want to do. Ironically, the book itself was an interruption. It’s prompting me to do some things I really don’t want to do, like extend forgiveness again. Or pray for people that I don’t really want to pray for. And to look at how interruptible I am. Am I really willing to do what He calls me to, even when it’s not convenient? But I am encouraged by it, as well. Shirer says in discussing when God disciplines us, “When we feel His correction particularly heavy upon us, it’s sometimes not so much in proportion to past or recent sin as in proportion to the great task awaiting us when He’s done, when we’ve endured it.” How awesome is that? And I’ve seen it happen in my own life.

After I wrote the first draft of this, with an example from my life several years ago, I got tested on this very concept. The back of the book says “Interruptions. They’re aggravating. Sometimes infuriating. They make us want to tell people what we think of them. But how we handle interruptions actually tells us more about ourselves.” Boy howdy, I saw that firsthand this week.

On Sunday, I had texted my friend’s college-age daughter from Southern Oregon. She had stayed with me a bit last summer and house-sat for me. She’s a sweet young lady, but I hadn’t chatted with her for a while and needed her address to send her a Christian book and CD, so I sent her a text message on my phone. I asked if she was still living with her mom or on her own. The text I received back said “she” was good, living on “her” own in Eugene. I was surprised by this, asked why, and said I was glad she was doing well.

Well… unfortunately, the person that responded was not my friend’s daughter. She must have changed her phone number over the year. Because at 10:23 that night, my phone rang, and I got an earful from an angry wife who could not be convinced that I was not having an affair with her husband. Evidently my text had reached him, instead. Really! My life isn’t easy, but it is definitely not that dramatic (thank goodness!). The poor lady could not be consoled, or convinced that my friend’s daughter’s name was not a pet name for her husband. Eventually she hung up, and I blocked both phone numbers and called the police non-emergency line to find out what to do. I was so rattled that I couldn’t sleep, but hey, I got all my grading done late that night! And I prayed, but mostly selfishly. I prayed a little for her, but mostly for my own protection. I wanted to lash out at her for interrupting my night and making me nervous that I’ll be called to court or visited by private investigators. And I wanted to call her Crazy Lady and other names for hurting my self-righteous pride by accusing me of something I think I’d never do, and let loose some of my drama queen teenage students on her. I finally fell into a restless sleep.

But God wasn’t done with my heart. Over the next day, I felt more and more compassion for her. Who knows why she reacted this way (he certainly wasn’t innocent in this- he didn’t even have the decency to write back that it was a wrong number and he didn’t know me!). But having experienced a bad marriage and divorce myself, I knew that they probably both have issues, or at least things to deal with, and it’s not my place to judge either of them. They both needed prayer, just as much as my ex-husband and I did. So the next night, I prayed for them for real. On my knees. Humbly and compassionately (finally!), I prayed for their marriage. For God’s will to be done in it, for His best for both of them (and any children they may have).

I felt very much like Jonah at that point. Who knows if they had anyone else in their lives to pray for them? But God allowed my life to be interrupted, and I have to believe that there was a purpose in that. Hopefully, my prayers will somehow help them. It taught me once again to surrender more quickly to His will. Previous (and bigger) interruptions in my life have always taught me something, too. Usually it’s to trust Him more. And many times, those interruptions have blessed me in ways I’d have never imagined.

Dear God, please keep interrupting me. Forgive me when I don’t respond quickly and with a surrendered heart. Help me to trust You fully. And thank You so much for loving me, and for giving me second chances and new adventures.

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