I love life—most of the time. I love how confusing and hard and sweet and glorious it is. This beautiful life has many challenges, not the least of which is a creeping numbness that can spread through our souls as the decades go by. Then one day, because God is gracious and because we really do love him, we wake up and sense the profound loss. It’s painful, but we’re glad because we’re actually feeling something again.
And slowly, if we are quiet and begin to open up to God about the doubts we’ve been hoarding and the fears we’ve been hiding, we begin to feel life flowing through our spirits again.
After a friend passed away last week, another friend asked to go hiking. I knew she wanted to grieve together and very likely pray. I normally say no to this kind of closeness. I’m afraid of praying, especially in public. Afraid of throwing piles of words at God and feeling I should duck as they fall back down. But lately in the depths of my being I’ve been practicing just being with God. And I’ve begun to experience his compassion. So in an unimaginably beautiful setting, we simply sat and quieted our hearts. We gave God room to show us how he felt about our friend. Then we prayed our guts out. And God breathed on us, bringing us one heartbeat closer to him.
Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.
Seek the Lord while He may be found,
Call upon Him while He is near.
Let the wicked forsake his way,
And the unrighteous man his thoughts;
Let him return to the Lord,
And He will have mercy on him;
And to our God, for He will abundantly pardon.